Secrecy
by Frolicking Bananas
Summary: AU: After eight long years, Susannah is excited to hear that Jesse is returning to Carmel. She expects everything to be the same between them. But boy how wrong she is.
1. The REAL Chapter One

**Okay, so I decided to redo this chapter. I figured starting from the VERY beginning would be a lot better than doing it the way I had. But, please, if this chapter sucks more than the one I originally had, TELL ME! It would help a LOT.**

**SECRECY**

**Chapter 1**

After my father died when I was six, my mother thought it was in my best interests to move me away from New York and to a town in California called Carmel. What made her think this was in my best interests baffled me, but I endured it nonetheless.

See, when I moved I left my best and only friend, Gina. Sure, she visited whenever she got a chance, but things just weren't the same without her. I missed her. Terribly.

A couple years later, my mom fell in love with this guy Andy. They met when he was putting an addition onto our house. Why my mom wanted an addition on our house when it was only me and her was completely beyond me.

Soon enough, her and Andy were getting married, and I was acquiring three step-brothers. I didn't really mind at the time, since it was someone that I could hang out with when Gina wasn't there (which happened too often for comfort). The one I really bonded with, though, was David, or Doc, as I liked to call him.

He is such a sweetheart, that one is. With his red hair, freckled face, sticky-out-y ears, and those adorable little glasses of his. Sure, he was about three years younger than me, but he had the mentality of a thirty year old. I even think he knew more at that age than my mom and Andy combined.

My mom and Andy had decided that it was best that all of us move into a bigger house together, to make it fair. He had started the renovations on the two-hundred and fifty year old house (that used to be a boarding house back in its day) and by the time it was done, it looked almost brand new, but in an old-fashioned sort of way, though.

Andy was good to me. I really didn't consider him a father figure, because he would never replace my dad, but he did have a certain place in my heart. It made me feel good that he made my mom so happy. And that's what I wanted, for my mom to be happy, because she hadn't been for so long.

I can freely admit that I was partly a cause of that lack of happiness. I know I wasn't the daughter she wanted. Wasn't the girlish, frilly, pink-loving daughter she had dreamed of. Instead, I wore black and often seemed very . . . rebellious, I guess the word would be.

It wasn't really because I wanted to be (well, the black I liked, I guess), but I had to. It was my job to.

What job, you ask?

Why, my lovely gift from God. The one where I get to help the spirits of the deceased move on to a better place, whether that be heaven, hell, another life, etc. But I really don't consider hell a better place, if you know what I mean.

But in shorter words: I see dead people.

Whether you believe me or not is entirely up to you, but its true. I see them — and speak to them, touch them — on a daily basis. Occasionally I'll get a break from it, but not often.

When we moved into the new house, Andy and Mom showed me my room. When I saw it, all I have to say is, there was a lot of pink. At the time — when I was eight — I didn't really care, since pink wasn't really that bad of a color to me then. But now, eight years later, I can't STAND it.

I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter, since I'm used to it, but it still bothers me from time to time. The two things I LOVE about my room, though, are the nice bathroom I get all to myself and the bay window that looks out over the Pacific Ocean. Sometimes I just like to sit on my window seat and stare at it for hours on end.

Sounds boring, but you get sucked in by its beauty and just can't peel your eyes away from it. Or, at least that's what happens to me.

My only friends I had there were my step-brothers (except Brad, he didn't seem to like me very much, but the feeling was mutual, I guess) and Jake's — my eldest step-brother — best friend, Jesse.

I remember the three of us going down the beach and building sand castles and then chasing down the ice-cream man to buy ice-cream.

Jesse befriended me, treated me like I was an equal, as opposed to being treated like crap, because I was a girl and had 'cooties', like the other boys did when we were that age.

I almost thought he was a girl, but he, uh, soon proved he wasn't when I questioned him one time.

Ahem.

Jake and Brad used to tease me, saying I had a crush on him, because I always wanted to play with him. I always denied it, because I really didn't know what the feeling was at the time.

And then when we were eleven, Jesse moved away. His parents had moved him and his four sisters up north more, but still in California. Jake and David and I always begged my mom and Andy to take us up to visit him, but it was just too far away to do so, they always said.

Through my adolescent years, I finally managed to get some friends besides Gina. These friends I met in school, Adam and CeeCee. They were like two peas in a pod. They befriended me instantly, too. The reason being: they were outcasts, just like me. None of us were considered normal, by any stands. But I guess that old saying is true. Birds of a feather flock together.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't forget about Jesse. Not at all. We kept in touch still, but it was getting harder and harder as the years passed. Then the last we heard, he had moved to Florida with his parents and sisters, because his dad was offered a really good job there, with all moving expenses paid for. That was where we lost touch. It was just too much of a hassle.

CeeCee and Adam and I went practically everywhere together. And it wasn't until I was about fourteen that I realized what was going on between both of them. I realized that . . . well, that they were in love.

You know, something you read in books and dream about, but never think it will ever really happen to you?

Yeah, that thing. Well, I could tell with CeeCee, at least. She was head over heals in love with him. Adam, of course, being the idiot he is, couldn't see it. But I knew he returned her feelings. The way he looked at her sometimes . . . its just really obvious. But, apparently, not to them.

But I didn't want to interfere with them. It wouldn't be right.

Gina visited every summer for about a month and hung out with CeeCee, Adam, and I. Adam complained that there needed to be a little more testosterone in the group; and we'd always joke back and say that there was none to begin with.

It was fun. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged. But as a contrast to that, I still felt left out. I still . . . I dunno. I guess it was the whole ghost thing. I just knew I would never really fit in with any group, no matter what.

But then . . . then I realized that my school principal was like me. A mediator, I mean. And . . . well, sure, it was my school principal, but it was someone. I had never met another mediator in my life and it was probably the most shocking thing in my life at the time. And, well, he sort of became a father figure to me, I guess.

I know I said no one could ever replace my dad. Father Dominic, the principal, wasn't either, but he seemed more of a father to me than Andy did. No offense to Andy or anything.

CeeCee and Adam began wondering why I spent so much time in the principal's office all of a sudden and I just told them it was student council business, because, for reasons beyond me, my fellow peers elected me vice president of our class.

I know I mentioned how much of an outcast I am. Along with being an outcast comes never having a boyfriend. I know, pathetic. I was sixteen and didn't have a boyfriend.

But then, about a few months ago, a guy asked me out. And, I have to admit, he is really cute. But, I didn't really have a connection with him, you know? I didn't have that connection you should have with someone you're dating and/or like. So I turned him down. CeeCee called me an idiot for it and told me he was cute and everything, but she didn't understand.

Then Jesse called one day, completely out of the blue, saying he was moving back.

And that starts the beginning or my story.

**A/N: So, yeah, like I said up there, tell me if this is really bad. But in a review, because we all love reviews.**


	2. Wonka Bars

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Mediator characters. **

**Okay, don't expect updates this fast. I was just in the moment. But I do hope you guys like this chapter. There's a TINY bit of Jesse in it, but not much. Next chapter there will be plenty for you Jesse-mongers to feast on.**

**SECRECY **

Chapter 2

I just blinked. I couldn't comprehend what my eldest step-brother had just told me. It was too surreal. It was . . . too good to be true.

"What?" was what ended up coming out of my mouth.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Jesse's moving back, Suze. He just called me an hour ago — how he knew my new number is a mystery to me — but anyway, isn't it great? After all these years?"

I blinked again. "You're serious?" I didn't want to get my hopes up. The thought of one of my best friends coming back after all these years . . . I just didn't want to jinx it.

"Yes, for Christ's sake!" he yelled.

Then my face broke out into a huge smile. And, well, the thing I did next surprised me. And Jake, too, apparently. But it was because I was under the influence of happiness and I wasn't thinking, okay?

Or, that's what I hope it was.

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. And, in the heat of the moment, he hugged me back. Then, as soon as we both realized what was happening, we both pulled away. I coughed and muttered some kind of apology.

I just . . . I couldn't believe it. It's been, what, _five years_? I mean, excuse me for being all happy-go-lucky. You would be too.

(A/N: Oh, _I_ would, if I knew Jesse was coming to see_ me_. But, well, that's different from what Suze is feeling. For now. Hehe.)

I looked up at Jake in giddiness. "When?" I asked.

He smiled. "Tomorrow."

If its even possible, my grin widened even more. Then I proceeded to jump up and down and scream, "Oh, my God!" over and over again.

Okay. You can stop laughing now.

I'm serious.

Then I stopped jumping up and down and looked at Jake. "Oh, my God. I have to get him something. What should I get him?"

Jake just rolled his eyes. "Suze, you don't have to get him anything. I'm sure he won't care."

I shook my head. "No, I need to. I - what should I get him?" I repeated.

He rolled his eyes again. "God, I don't know, Suze. A book, maybe? I remember he always used to read a lot, even when we were kids."

I beamed. "Great! Thanks! Now, get out, I'm going to take a shower."

He blinked and then shook his head. "I'll never understand you," he muttered and walked out the door.

- § -

The lady at the bookstore just blinked at me. "Hon, there are quite a few books here to choose from."

"Yeah, I can see that," I said.

"Well, what's this man interested in?" she asked. "The man you're getting the book for."

Oh, God. How the hell am I supposed to know? I haven't seen him in a helluva long time. How the hell am I supposed to keep up with his reading preferences.

I tried to think. What was that one book he kept telling me about when we were ten? That book that looked like it was as thick as all of my textbooks and CeeCee's and Adam's textbooks put together? Something, something Plato?

Oh, come on, brain! When I want you to work, you don't; but when I don't need you to, you do.

Then it came to me. I looked at the lady. "Never mind. Can you just tell me where I could find a copy of Critical Theory Since Plato?"

She looked at me like I had three heads. "Wow. This man of yours isn't really into light reading, huh?"

This man of mine? Somehow that didn't sound so bad. But . . .

EW! No, this was one of my best friends! He could practically be my brother! If, you know, we were related.

I nodded, not even bothering to correct her, and she led me to an aisle where there were plenty of extremely thick books. And then I saw it sitting there on the shelf. Just as I remember it in Jesse's hands.

Only a little less worn.

I grabbed it and followed the lady back up to the register. When I looked at the total on the register, my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

That much for a frigging book? If you want people to read, why the hell do you make the books cost so damn much?

I sighed resignedly and took out my wallet. I opened it up and handed the woman a fifty. I'm not even going to tell you how much change I got back. It wasn't enough, though. That much I knew.

Stupid Plato and his stupid book.

I went home and wrapped the present. Only, well, the wrapping paper wasn't really the right occasion, but whatever. It said 'Happy Birthday!' all over it, but hopefully Jesse would ignore that and not mock me for it, like I knew he would.

Then I thought of something. I had to buy him a chocolate bar to go with this. Not just any chocolate bar, either. It had to be a Wonka bar.

It was sort of a joke from when we were little. Whenever we went to the store with our mothers, we insisted on getting Wonka bars instead of regular old Hershey bars. My mom always just shook her head and bought it.

The only reason we insisted on getting them was that we absolutely adored the Willy Wonka movie when we were little, and we thought that if we bought Wonka bars, we could get a golden ticket, too. Then I realized that it was just a movie and it couldn't happen.

But, anyway, it was for the joke's sake, okay? So, that's why I was getting a Wonka bar for him. Hopefully he would remember and not think I was crazy for buying him chocolate.

So I went out to the store to get the chocolate bar for him. When I got back, I wrapped that too and put it on top of the book and tie the two together with some ribbon I found.

Hm. I did a pretty good job on this. Maybe I could go into the gift wrapping business or something.

I put the present on my desk and went to go into Jake's room. I knocked on his door and he said to come in.

"So," I said, leaning against the doorframe. "What time is he coming tomorrow?"

Jake looked up from where he was reading from his history book. "He said his flight is supposed to come in around two tomorrow, but he's gotta unpack and everything, you know."

"Okay, let me rephrase. What time is he coming _here_ tomorrow?"

He smiled for some reason. "Not really sure. Maybe around five, I think."

I nodded. "Alright, then. Thanks."

"Not so fast," Jake said.

I turned around. "What?" I asked.

He smiled again. "What did you get him?"

"Okay, don't laugh. I didn't know what to get him, so I got him that Critical Theory Since Plato book thing. I remember he always used to run around and tell me all about it and I'd tell him to shut up 'cause it was boring." I laughed at the memory.

"Ha, I remember that," Jake laughed. "Good choice." He paused. "You know, I was talking to his sister a little while ago, and she tells me that our Jesse was quite the heartbreaker back at his old school."

I snorted. "Jesse? Oh, jeez, she can't be serious. Who was it? Marta?"

He nodded. "Well, we'll just have to wait and find out, right?"

I nodded. But the thing is, I didn't _want_ to wait. I wanted Jesse here, now. I wanted to go down to the beach and build sand castles like we always used to do. Sure, we were older now, but it seems as appealing now as it did back then.

- § -

The whole next morning and afternoon went by _so_ slow. I just wanted to scream.

But then four o' clock finally rolled around and I decided to take a swim in the pool Andy built last summer, to pass the time.

So I threw on my swimsuit and did a few laps in the pool. When I was done with that, I just grabbed a raft and floated.

I must have fallen asleep, because I was stirred when I heard Jake calling my name. I opened my eyes and looked around, realizing I was still lying in the pool.

I got out and dried myself off and was about to go back inside when Jake walked out back to where I was. Following him was David, Brad, my mom, Andy, and . . .

I stared in shock, my jaw ajar. No . . . could it? Could that really be him?

You know, I was talking to his sister a little while ago, and she tells me that our Jesse was quite the heartbreaker back at his old school.

"Suze," Jake said, "Jesse's here."

I think I all ready realized that, dumbass.

I closed my mouth and looked at Jesse again. Man, had he changed.

No wonder Marta said he was a heartbreaker.

**A/N: Okay, so that was chappie 2, now review? **


	3. Diet Coke

**SECRECY **

Chapter 3

I blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

But the vision before me just wasn't changing. Or doing anything for that matter. Jesse was staring at me the same way I was staring at him.

Gaping.

I blinked again and shook my head. Getting up enough courage, I went over and hugged him. I felt him stiffen beneath me but he soon returned the embrace.

When I stepped back, I said, "It's great to have you back, Jesse. We all missed you."

He smiled. "I'm glad to _be_ back," he said.

I smiled and then realized Jake was looking at me weirdly. I looked down at myself and realized I was still in my bikini. Huh, no wonder Jesse was reluctant to touch me. It must be weird touching a girl that could almost be your sister when she's in only a bikini.

But, seriously, without trying to sound gross, Jesse was . . .

. . . well, he was hot.

I mean, I didn't expect him to look like - like . . . THAT.

I shook my head and blushed. "I'll be right back. Let me just go put some clothes on."

So I scurried upstairs and put on a tank top and a pair of jeans and flip-flops. I pulled a comb through my hair and grabbed my sunglasses. Then I grabbed the present off my desk and brought it down as well.

When I got back out on the deck, everyone was sitting around the patio table and talking. Jesse included. I went and sat down next to Jesse, since that was the only available seat, and handed him the present.

He looked at me in confusion. "What's this?" he asked.

I smiled. "I got you something. You know, a welcome back present."

"Susannah, you didn't have to . . ."

"I know," I said. "But I _wanted_ to. Jesse, you're one of my best friends, I think you deserve it." Hopefully that was a good enough explanation for him. I really have no clue why I did even get a present for him. I mean, it was the reason that I gave him, but I also just had the urge to get something. It's not a feeling that I get too often, you know.

He grinned and looked down at it. Then he quirked an eyebrow. "'Happy Birthday'?" he inquired.

I hit him playfully on the arm. "Shut up. It was the only wrapping paper I could find."

He just rolled his eyes and started unwrapping the present. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, so I figured I would take him down by the pool more to open the presents, so he could mock me in private.

Right.

We both took a seat on the bench down by the pool. He slowly finished unwrapping the book. He kind of reminded me of my grandmother when he did that, because she always carefully unwrapped gifts so she could save the paper and reuse it. I thought it was quite humorous.

He looked at me in shock when he saw the book. "Susannah? How . . ."

I grinned, realizing that he liked it. A lot. "Believe it or not, I don't forget very many things."

He just shook his head and started to unwrap the next present. "And that goes for this one, too," I said.

I saw the purple wrapping of the Wonka Bar and silently laughed to myself. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he saw it. It would just be too much for me, I think.

When he got a full look at the candy bar, he completely cracked up. I grinned and laughed too. When he got some control back, he said, "_How_ did you remember that?"

I shrugged. "Like I said, I rarely forget things." Then a random thing flitted through my mind. I pushed it down. It was too embarrassing, yet too funny. Oh, hell. "Like that one time when I asked if you were a girl and—"

He looked at me in horror. "_Nombre de Dios_," he said, his face flushing red. "Oh, I wish you would forget that."

I giggled. "Why? We were just kids, Jesse."

"Yes," he said. "But thinking about it now . . . well, it's pretty humiliating."

I laughed. "O-kay. C'mon, let's go back up there."

He nodded and we both walked back up to the patio where everyone was still talking amongst themselves. It was as if they didn't even realize we were gone.

Hmph. I can see I was missed terribly. Not.

For some reason, I felt really awkward. Just having Jesse back here after all those years . . . I just couldn't describe what I was feeling. I mean, it was great having him back, but I didn't feel like I was the same around him. The way I acted around him when we were kids. I was so carefree then and . . .

Well, I guess him being hot had SOME effect on me. I knew once he started going to our school, that all the popular girls would swarm around him, trying to get him to ask them out, namely, Kelly Prescott. But had Jesse changed that much, to go out with a_Kelly Prescott_, of all people? I mean, I know Marta said he was a heartbreaker, but did that actually mean he broke girls' hearts? Or was it just his looks that did the job . . .?

Ugh. I think into things too much.

I really shouldn't be thinking about him like that. I mean, this was _Jesse_. I'd known him since I was, like, eight. As I have said before, he could practically be my _brother_. And thinking your brother is hot? Well, I know that won't get you very far.

I shook my head. Okay, just . . . stop thinking, Suze. Especially about him.

I excused myself and went inside for a few minutes to clear my head. And out of the corner of my eye, in the kitchen, was my dad.

Now's _definitely_ not the time for him to be here.

I walked up to him and said, in as quiet a voice as I could, "What are you _doing _here?"

He looked at me and smiled that smile he always does when he sees me. Unless, of course, I've done something wrong. "I can't come visit my little girl?"

I rolled my eyes. "Dad. You can, really, but it seems like you always visit at the most inconvenient of times."

"Well, excuse me," he said. I just rolled my eyes again and went over to the fridge to grab something to drink. The first thing I pulled out happened to be a can of Diet Coke. Good.

As I was downing the can, my dad decided to say, "So, who was that young man you were making googly eyes at?"

I literally spat the coke right out of my mouth. "What?" Googly eyes? Who _says_ that anymore? I mean, besides my dead father, who is, in fact, very outdated on the current lingo. But I guess he can't help it, being dead and all.

"I saw you looking at him. Who is he? And why does everyone seem to like him so much? And _why_ did you hug him in a _bikini_?"

So many questions. All of which I did _not _want to answer.

I sighed. "Dad, he's just an old friend," I settled for saying.

He looked at me warily, but then dropped it. Now, if he saw me _kissing_ him, I'm sure he wouldn't have dropped it so easily.

Okay, Suze. STOP with the thinking-about-Jesse crap, okay?

Just then, someone came in. I quickly acted like I was doing nothing but getting a coke out of the refrigerator. My dad dematerialized, giving me a little bit of privacy. When I looked up to see who it was, I suddenly became really embarrassed.

"Susannah, who were you talking to?" Jesse asked. He looked around, as if he was expecting to see someone else in the room.

"Um, just the dog," I said. "He just ran in the other room." Luckily I _had_ seen the dog only moments before, so it wasn't a _complete_ lie. Well, okay, it was, but I couldn't tell him the _truth_.

"I thought I heard you say . . ." He looked at me curiously for a minute, but then shook his head and changed the subject. "Are you coming back outside?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, in a minute. I have to clean this mess up first." I gestured to the soda on the floor that I had spit out of my mouth.

Wow. That sounded pretty gross.

Jesse looked at the soda on the floor and then looked back at me. He quirked an eyebrow. "Having some difficulty?" He laughed, like it was the funniest thing ever.

I rolled my eyes. "Stupid dog scared the shi—uh, _crap_, out of me and, well, I dropped the can." Okay, so I was lying through my teeth now. But what else could I do? Besides, I was quite used to lying like this to people about my, uh, ability by now.

I grabbed some paper towels off the counter and bent down to clean it up. When I was finished, I threw the towels in the garbage. I looked back up at Jesse, and noticed he was still looking at me. I gave him a questioning look.

He shook his head and I saw a blush creep onto his face. I didn't press into the subject, but there was this one thought that crossed my mind: that Jesse looked cute when he was embarrassed.

Okay, this is _really_ bad.

I shook my head, grabbed my coke off the counter — well, what was left of it, anyway — and walked back outside, Jesse following silently behind me.

**A/N: FINALLY got this up. Actually, it wasn't THAT long since I last updated, but I was hoping to get it up a little sooner... Oh well. Now, review, please? If I get as many reviews as I did last chapter, I'd be REEEEAALLY happy. Like, ecstatic happy. :D**


	4. Rain Forest Café

**SECRECY **

Chapter 4

School. Its mandatory but we all hate it. That's life, I guess, right?

So, yeah, school was starting tomorrow. CeeCee and I planned to go out to some stores to get back-to-school clothes. You know, with_out_ Adam. But, Adam being Adam, he wormed his way into coming. Not that CeeCee minded or anything. Just another chance for her to make-out with him while I stalked away disgustedly.

I mean, sure, I was happy for them and everything, but they didn't have to go and shove their tongues in each others' mouths while I was present. They really don't realize how gross they can be at times.

My mom drove us to these outlets in the next town over. I absolutely _despise_ malls, so outlet stores would have to do. If I had to, I would go into a mall, but not unless I absolutely _had_ to.

"Come on, Suze," CeeCee said, pulling me toward her favorite store. Adam went off somewhere to shop by himself for a while. You know, 'cause shopping with us is _so_ horrid.

"Hold on," I said. I put my head in the window to grab the money my mom was dangling between her fingers. I snatched it, said a quick, "thanks," and ran off with Cee toward the Delia's that was conveniently located right in front of us.

Apparently there was a sale going on, so, you know, we did what girls do when there's a sale: buy the whole store out.

When I was on line for check out, I thought I heard someone say my name. I know it wasn't CeeCee, because it was nothing like her voice, and she had gone off anyway and would've just called my cell to figure out where I was instead of going to look for me.

Curiously, I turned around and saw a beautiful girl with sleek, long black hair, deep brown eyes, and very tan skin. She must have been Hispanic.

Wait a second. She looks familiar . . .

"Marta?" I asked disbelievingly.

Her face immediately lit up. "Oh, my God, it _is_ you!" she exclaimed. She ran over to me and gave me a huge hug.

When she pulled away, I took a good look at her and said, "Wow. You look good."

She grinned. "You do, too." I blushed at the compliment. I wasn't quite sure if she really meant it, because she looked like a super model in comparison to me. She laughed. "Now I know why Jesse was—" she stopped abruptly and shook her head.

"Why Jesse was what?" I asked curiously.

"Never mind," she said. "So, what's new with you? It seems like forever since I've last seen you."

I blinked. I let the thing with Jesse slide and answered her question. "Not much, actually."

She looked at me weirdly. "That's it? There's, like, no guy or something to brag about?"

I blinked again. Guy? Wow, she was sadly mistaken. "Um, no. I don't have a boyfriend."

She dropped the subject immediately. She kind of looked embarrassed now, actually. And I felt bad, because it was kind of my fault that she was embarrassed.

"Miss?"

I turned around. Oh, yeah, I was still in line, and apparently next. I went over to the register and bought my stuff, which totaled to about half of what my mom gave me.

I guess you're kind of wondering where in the hell CeeCee is. Well, she went off to find Adam, because she claimed that I took too long to pick my stuff out.

Well, excuse me. I like to make sure my clothes look good on me before I actually buy them. I hate returning stuff. It's a waste of my time. Not that I have much of a life as it is anyway.

I waited for Marta to pay for her stuff and walked out of the store with her. We started walking to where I assumed CeeCee and Adam were. The Rain Forest Café.

"So," I said. "Is, uh, Jesse here somewhere?"

She turned to look at me and smiled. I wasn't quite sure what she was about at the time, but thinking back on it now, I _was_ kind of obvious about everything. "Yeah. He refused to go shopping with me, so he went to get some lunch while I shopped."

I laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like him all right." I paused. "What about your other sisters?"

She laughed too. "They're out shopping with my mom somewhere. I figured I'd go with Jesse for school shopping, since it would be less of a hassle. Of course my sisters wanted me there to help them pick out their school clothes, but whatever. They can deal without me."

If it was possible, I think she talked even faster than me. But I usually just do it when I'm nervous or anxious. She just . . . does it.

I blinked. "Okay."

She laughed again. "Sorry," she said. Then she changed the subject. "So, how're your step-brothers? And your mom and Andy?"

"They're all good and well. Not really much to say about them, really." I didn't really know what to say. I wasn't really into my step-brothers' personal lives, but they seemed okay to me. And my mom and Andy were as happy as they always were. There wasn't really much I could tell her.

"Okay," she said. "Well, then, how are _you_? Got any crushes or anything? I'm gonna be going to your school, so I should know about all the hot guys that go there."

I laughed. "Actually, no. I'm not really into the guys at my school. I mean, yeah, sure, some of them are really hot, but I just can't imagine myself with them. But, I will point out a few of the hotties when I see you in school."

She grinned. "Sounds like a plan."

Soon enough, we arrived at the Rain Forest Café that was the central eating place at the outlet stores. I looked around, seeing if I could spot CeeCee and Adam, if they had come in here at all. I caught a glimpse of some really, really white-blonde hair and immediately knew that was CeeCee. You couldn't miss her hair for anything.

I gestured to Marta to follow me. "Hey," I said, pulling up a chair at their table. "Way to wait for me, you guys."

CeeCee looked up at me. "Well, sor-_ry_," she said, mocking some of those preppy girls from school.

I just smiled and shook my head. "Come on, Marta. Grab a chair." She did and sat right next to me.

I started giggling when I saw the look Adam was giving Marta. I felt like that was a good time to introduce her to them. "Adam, CeeCee, this is Marta. Marta, these are two of my best friends, Adam and CeeCee."

She smiled and shook their hands. Adam was still looking at her, wide-eyed. CeeCee just smacked him in the back of the head, which resulted in his eyes returning back to normal size again. "Jeez, Suze," he said. "Bring over the super model, why don't you?"

Marta laughed. "Please, I'm no super model," she said.

Adam just grinned. "I beg to differ."

CeeCee smacked him again and he shut up, but not before letting out a very obnoxious, loud, "OW!"

"So," CeeCee said conversationally. "How do you two know each other?"

I looked at Marta and she looked back at me. "Um, well," I said. I wasn't really sure how to explain it, since CeeCee and Adam didn't even know who Jesse was, so I couldn't just say she was Jesse's sister or anything . . . "You know how I told you I used to have a best friend here but he moved away?"

CeeCee nodded. "Yeah . . ."

"Well, he came back a few days ago. And this is one of his younger sisters."

"There are more of you?" Adam asked incredulously.

"Adam, shut UP!" CeeCee yelled at him.

I laughed. God, they were so funny. They fought a lot like this, but you knew they were absolutely perfect for each other.

Right then, Marta's cell phone rang. "Oh, sorry," she apologized. She took out her phone and answered it politely.

"Oh, hi, Jesse," she said. And, for some odd reason, my heart fluttered a bit. Just hearing his name did that to me. Okay, this is weird . . . "Yeah, sure," she said. "We're in the café . . . we as in Suze and two of her friends . . . yes, Jesse . . . okay, see ya then," and she hung up.

"Jesse's gonna come over here in a few minutes," she announced after she hung up on him. Then she added, "GOD, he can be so annoying sometimes. Too overprotective."

I laughed. "He seems the type. Although, he really has changed a lot over the years, so I really don't know anymore."

"Oh, no," she said, grinning maliciously. "He's still the same little Jesse that likes to pull down his pants in front of you."

My eyes widened considerably. Oh, my God. I cannot believe she just said that. And in front of CeeCee and Adam of all people! Oh, they'll never let me live this down. "Marta!" I exclaimed.

CeeCee giggled. "You never told us, Suze." And then Adam said, "And I thought you were a virgin!"

I glared at both of them from across the table. "Oh, shut up," I snapped. "We were, like, eight, okay?"

They all laughed at me. Yes, _at_ me, not _with_ me.

Mean people.

"Sorry, Suze," Marta said, still grinning, "it just slipped out."

I rolled my eyes. "Bull shit it did," I said. But I wasn't being serious. I honestly didn't really care. I mean, it _was _kind of funny and all, and . . . well, just a tad bit embarrassing.

CeeCee was still grinning, trying not to burst into laughter. And I knew Adam was trying to make himself not say anything else about. The inner battle must have been very fierce.

Just as Adam's inner battle was lost and we was about to say something, I heard a cool, slightly accented voice from behind us. And by the look CeeCee was giving him, I knew he must be really hot.

I recognized the voice as none other than Jesse de Silva. "Susannah, I didn't think I'd see you here . . ."

I turned around and flashed him a smile. "Didn't think or was hoping?" I asked.

He just rolled his eyes. "After all these years, you haven't changed a bit. Well, personality-wise, I mean."

I cocked my head to the side and let my arm rest atop the back of the chair. "Oh? And what is that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know what it means," he said.

"I—" Well, I _was_ going to say something, until I was so rudely interrupted. And it wasn't even by Jesse either.

"As much as I'd love to hear you two bicker all day, I _am_ kind of wondering who the hell this guy is, Suze." I turned around to see CeeCee cocking one eyebrow and smirking.

"Fine," I said. "CeeCee, Adam, this is Jesse, the—"

"The one who pulled his pants down in front of you?" she asked nonchalantly.

Oh, I am so going to kill her.

I was afraid to look back at Jesse, afraid of his reaction. But when I peeked a look at his face, I was surprised to see that it was bright red.

Oh my freaking God. Jesse was embarrassed.

All I could do was point at Marta and try and keep myself from laughing. Although, I'm sure my face showed that I so desperately wanted to — but shouldn't — laugh.

Everyone was laughing but Jesse and I. After all, the joke _was_ on us. Literally.

But I couldn't hold it in anymore. So, I let out a huge laugh. The laugh was more like a guffaw and just a little humiliating. But not as embarrassed as Jesse must have felt right now.

I clammed up soon, though, when I saw that Jesse was looking a little _too_ embarrassed. So, I stood up, patted him on the shoulder — which also merited a weird look from him — and got him a chair to sit down in.

"Jesse," I said. "Come on, loosen up a little. I wasn't even the one who said it; it was you're ever-so-lovely sister here."

He just shook his head and sat down in the chair I provided for him. I sat down too, and gave CeeCee a look that said, "You. Are. Dead." Needless to say, she shut up for the rest of the time we were there.

- § -

"Suze, you coming with us?"

CeeCee and Adam were getting in CeeCee's mom's car. CeeCee's mom, obviously, was here to pick us up and drive us home. That's how we arranged it, at least.

I looked back at Jesse and Marta, who were looking at me expectantly.

"Nah," I said, turning back to CeeCee and answering her question. "I think I'm gonna catch a ride with Jesse and Marta. I'll see you guys later, though?"

CeeCee nodded and Adam said, "Of course," and then CeeCee's mom drove off.

I went back and started walking with Jesse and Marta toward Jesse's car. I walked next to Marta, since walking next to Jesse seemed a little awkward, with what happened today and all. I mean, it shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. Not a lot, but, you know, it still did.

"So," Marta said, "that was . . . interesting."

Jesse and I exchanged looks. I would say it was more than interesting. Fascinating, really. Fascinating how embarrassing it was.

Although, it was still funny. I know looking back on that day I would be laughing my ass off. Well, maybe not laughing _that_ much, but it would still merit a few laughs — or giggles, depending on the mood.

We arrived at his car. He unlocked the doors and opened up the doors for us, being the gentleman he is. I smiled at him and climbed in the back seat.

When he dropped me off at my house, they both said their goodbyes to me and Marta said, "See ya in school tomorrow! And don't forget our deal!"

I just shook my head and walked in my house.

What a day that was.

_Disclaimer: The Mediator characters belong to Meg Cabot, not me._

**A/N: I realized that I used the word 'really' a lot in this chapter. I didn't mean to, but once I realized it, I didn't really (see?) feel like changing it. But anyway, please review. Lots.**


	5. Graveyard

**SECRECY **

Chapter 5

"Suze, get up!"

Urgh. School all ready? It felt like only minutes — no, _seconds_ — ago that I was climbing into my bed, ready to go to sleep.

"If you're not down here in five minutes I'm leaving without you!" bellowed Jake.

Hmph. You can leave for all I care. I hate the first day of school. It sucks.

Nevertheless, though, I got out of bed and — like a sloth, in my opinion — walked to my adjoining bathroom. It was a good thing I took a shower last night, because, frankly, I had practically no time to get ready that morning. I was hoping to look good for the first day of school, but I just _hate _having to get up so early for school.

About ten minutes later, I was running down the stairs.

"God, it's about time, Suze," Jake said.

I only just a grumbled a response and grabbed an apple off the table for breakfast. Then all of us — Jake, Brad, David, and me — piled in the Rambler.

On the way to school, I thought about what teachers I would have and who would be in my classes. God, I hope CeeCee and Adam are in my classes, like they were last year. That was awesome last year.

I hope Jesse is in my classes, too.

Wait, did I just think that?

Oh, no. I did.

What the hell is happening to me? Why am I thinking about him so goddamn much? Yeah, I missed him and all, but even I know that this isn't just about missing your best friend.

Then what the hell is it?

"Suze."

I looked up questioningly at Jake and realized we were at school. Let the fun begin.

We had to stand outside for the first ten minutes for assembly. Girls on one side, boys on the other. Seems kind of sexist to me, but whatever.

As I was scanning the crowd, looking for people I knew, I saw a familiar face.

Jesse.

When our eyes met, I smiled at him and he smiled back. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't take my eyes off of him, and he didn't take his eyes off of me.

It seemed as if we were the only two people around in that moment.

Well, until someone decided to ruin the moment.

"Susannah Simon!"

My head snapped to my left and I noticed Sister Ernestine glaring at me from the beginning of the line.

Great. School technically hasn't even started yet and all ready I've pissed Sister E. off.

Oh, well.

"Miss Simon," her voice boomed, "can you _please_ pay attention for _once_ in your life?"

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I said, "Sorry, Sister Ernestine."

She just gave me one of those 'that's-what-I-thought' looks and went on calling out the rest of the students' names.

- § -

I was sitting in my homeroom, Mr. Walden's classroom, talking to CeeCee, since she was in my home room, along with Adam, like it usually is. Then, totally unexpectedly, Jesse walks through the door.

He sees me and smiles and takes a seat in the back somewhere. Recognizing Jesse, she smiled at him too.

I felt Jesse's eyes on me as I talked to CeeCee. I wanted to turn around and see what the problem was, but I didn't.

However, I did turn around when I heard his voice.

Oh, no. Kelly was talking to him. Her hand was on his shoulder and she was practically thrusting her boobs in his face. Talk about disturbing.

Well, maybe not for Jesse, since he's a guy and all.

But contrary to my belief, Jesse seemed appalled by her and her proposition of hanging out after school. Jesse was a nice guy, though, so he politely turned her down.

I silently cheered to myself.

Kelly, though, she seemed a bit miffed by it. She sharply turned from Jesse and sat as far away from him as possible and next to Debbie, her best friend, and the class slut.

Mr. Walden finally walked in then. He noticed me and said, "Suze, Father Dominic wants to see you for a moment."

"All ready, Suze? God." I glared at Adam and told him to shut up. Immature, but whatever.

Confused, I took the pass from him and walked out the door and towards his office.

What could Father Dom possibly want all ready? I mean, he usually does stuff like this on the first day of school, to see if anything has happened over the summer, but he doesn't usually take me out of home room, usually lunch or something, or religion class (which I really don't mind missing, if you know what I mean).

Meredith, the secretary, told me to go right in to his office. I pulled the door open and sat down in one of the chairs, like I have done so many times before.

"Susannah," he said, "having a good first day?"

I blinked. "Um . . . not really," I answered, truthfully.

"Why ever not?"

I shrugged. "Not really in a good mood today. I was woken up too early."

He rolled his eyes. "I expect you know why I called you down here."

I knitted my eyebrows together and looked at him curiously. "Actually, no, I don't."

"Jesse," he said. "I put him in a lot of your classes. You are to show him around this week. Your mother tells me that you two know each other well."

I nodded. "Yeah. But why didn't you just put him in Jake's or Brad's classes?"

He blinked. "Susannah, your step-brothers are . . . not as sufficient in classes as you are."

"Okay . . ." I said.

He handed me a pass. "Should any problems arise, come to me."

I nodded and walked back to class.

- § -

By the end of the week I was getting angry glares from the popular girls. Apparently I 'snagged' the new hot guy.

Right.

Jesse and I weren't even — and never would be — together.

But these girls think that hanging out with him after school sometimes means I'm dating him, contrary to my assurances that we are not, in fact, dating.

Jesse just ignored it and told me to let them think what they wanted.

He was too laid back. I mean, if you let those twits think whatever they wanted, they would run rampant and start all these stupid rumors.

I hate rumors. And I absolutely despise the people who start them.

When I told Jesse this — that if you let them think what they wanted, they'd go and start a bazillion rumors about you — he just rolled his eyes and told me not to worry about it, and then walked off to go eat lunch.

I just groaned and walked over to my locker to get the books for my class after lunch. When I shut my locker door, I found Kelly there, glaring at me.

Kind of weirded out, I asked, "What do _you_ want?"

She sniffed at me. "Why is it," she started, "that _you_ get the completely hot guy and I can't?"

I was about to tell her, yet again, that Jesse and I were not going out, but then I remembered what he said. And then I had a _great_ come back. Perfect timing, too.

"Well," I said, "maybe its because he doesn't _like_ stupid blonde bimbos, Kelly."

The look on her face was priceless. She clenched her fists at her sides and then walked off in a heated rush.

I laughed to myself. Oh, this was too good. Maybe Jesse _was_ right. Let them think what they want.

I shook my head and walked to the courtyard. I found CeeCee and Adam at our usual table, talking and eating their lunch. With them were Marta and Josefina. Catalina, Mercedes, and Esperanza were sitting somewhere else, with people of their own age.

I smiled at them and took my seat next to CeeCee. I opened up my Andy-made lunch and took a bite out of my sandwich.

"Oh, Suze," Marta said, "Jesse was looking for you."

I looked at her and noticed she still had that glint in her eye. "What did he want?" I asked. "I mean, I just saw him, like five minutes ago."

She shrugged. "I dunno."

I looked around to see if I could spot him in the courtyard. Usually he sits with Jake and his friends, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Well, where is he?" I asked.

She looked over at the table and said, "Oh, I don't know." She paused. "Maybe he went out to the graveyard or something."

Graveyard?

No. He couldn't possess the same uncanny want to go and sit in the graveyard, like me. That would just be _too_ weird.

"You sure?" I asked her.

She nodded. So I got up and went to go walk towards the graveyard. I don't know what it was, but this place just attracted me to it. I really have no clue why, though. I mean, to a normal person, this place would be somewhat . . . creepy.

But considering what I do on a daily basis, its quite the opposite.

As I was perusing the perimeter of the graveyard, I could have sworn I heard hushed voices. Curious, I got closer and ducked behind a bush.

And the sight that was before me shocked the hell out of me. And there was also a little bit of relief, too, I guess.

Standing there, was Jesse. If an average person were to see this, they would say he was talking to thin air, or, possibly, to himself.

But being a mediator, I could see perfectly well who he was talking to.

A ghost.

**A/N: Review, please!**

**Disclaimer: The Mediator characters belong to Meg Cabot, not me.**


	6. 76 Mustang

**SECRECY **

Chapter 6

Recovering from the shock of having seen Jesse talking to a ghost, of all things, I worked up the courage to go and talk to him.

I stood up from behind the bush and called out to him. He turned and saw me and his eyes widened a bit. Then he turned back to the ghost and he dematerialized.

I walked over to him and smiled. Trying not to reveal anything, I asked sweetly, "Who were you just talking to?"

He looked nervous for a second. If I hadn't known that he was, in fact, talking to a ghost, I probably wouldn't have noticed the sudden nerve he acquired. "I was talking to no one, Susannah."

I raised my eyebrows. "Oh, really? I could have sworn I heard you talking to someone." Okay, I was laying it on thick right now. But, nonetheless, I looked around, pretending to try and see someone. But, just like I knew, I saw no one around.

"Susannah, I assure you, I was talking to nobody," he said. He ran a hand through his hair, a sure sign of anxiety.

I cocked my head to the side. "And why are you out here anyway?"

"Susannah—" he was probably about to deny it again, but I cut him off.

"You know what? Forget that. What I really want to know is why you didn't _tell_ me." Okay, yeah, I was being a little . . . hostile, I guess the word would be. But I was a little mad that he hadn't told me that he was a freaking mediator. Then again . . . I don't think I would ever tell him if I didn't know he was also a mediator.

His eyebrows knitted in confusion. But I could tell he was glad for the subject change. "Tell you what?"

I leaned in and whispered harshly. "That you're a freaking _mediator_, Jesse." Only, I really didn't say freaking.

See, I wasn't really mad. I think I just used that word for emphasis. Like on SpongeBob. You know, sentence 'enhancers'.

Or, that's what I told myself, anyway.

The shock on his face was as plain as day. His eyes widened and he took a step back from me. "_Nombre de Dios_," he muttered. "No . . . it - it's not possible."

I smirked. "Not possible? Well, to most people seeing ghosts would be thought of as impossible. So why is finding another mediator not possible?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. He blinked a few times before he said, "So . . . that day . . ." he stopped and tilted his head. "You _were_ talking to a ghost that day, weren't you?"

I blinked, trying to figure out what day he was talking about. Then I remembered the day that he first came back and I was in the kitchen talking to my father . . . "Oh," I said in realization, "uh, yeah. That was my father. He, um, still likes to hang around after being dead for ten years."

He just stood there, still in shock about what he just learned about me. I was still in shock about what I had just learned about him.

Then I remembered the other mediator I knew. Father Dominic.

"Come on," I said, breaking the awkward silence. I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me to Father Dom's office.

"Susannah? Why are we here?" he asked.

"You'll figure it out soon enough," I said. The secretary said we could go in and I dragged Jesse in with me and plopped him down in a seat next to me.

Father Dominic looked surprised to say the least. "Susannah, what is going on?" he asked incredulously.

Okay, I'm not one for subtlety, you should know that all ready. I blurted out, "Jesse is a mediator, Father Dom."

Jesse's eyes widened when I said that. Oops, I guess I didn't explain to him that Father Dominic was also one . . .

Telling someone else that you can see the dead without knowing that they can too is probably a bit frightening, considering what they might think of you and how they would act upon those thoughts. Like, say, throwing you in one of those white padded rooms.

Father Dominic turned to Jesse in shock, but also in relief. He looked back at me and asked, "Are you sure?"

I nodded. Then I turned to Jesse to explain. "Jesse, Father Dominic is a mediator, too. That's why I dragged you here."

The relief on his face was clearly evident. He breathed a sigh of relief and said to me, "Today has been a little awkward."

I smiled. "When I first learned that I wasn't the only one out there, I was a bit shocked, too."

His smiled faded a little bit. "Susannah, I knew there wasn't just me. Marta is a mediator, too."

Wait, what?

I guess the shock was evident on my face, since he said, "I just never thought you were one. I guess it just seemed too surreal."

As he was saying that, I was putting the pieces together in my head. Then I blurted out, "So, _that_'s why she told me to go out there and find you! She knew! But . . . how?"

He knew what I was talking about. That I went out there and saw him. He knew that I knew that Marta knew I was a mediator. How? Well, I haven't gotten that far yet. "Susannah," he said, "Marta is very . . . observant. She tends to see things that are hard for some other people to see."

Huh. I wonder what else she has noticed.

Father Dominic cleared his throat. I looked back at him, as did Jesse. "Not to interrupt," he said, "but there are some things I would like to discuss with the both of you."

I nodded, signaling for him to continue. He just told Jesse basically the same things he told me when he first found out I was a mediator. Jesse was listening intently, while I was just sitting there, really bored, staring at a picture on the office wall.

"And, Jesse," Father Dom said, "I would like you to keep watch of her. She tends to . . . not be very peaceful with these spirits."

I snapped my head back to him. "Hey!" I cried. "No, no. _They_ aren't very peaceful with _me_, Father D. I _always_ tell you that. They like to use their stupid telekinesis and crap to throw stuff at me, so I see there's nothing much to do but to kick their ghostly butts."

Father Dominic just blinked at me. "Yes, of course, Susannah," he said, very sarcastically. Huh. I didn't really know Father Dom was capable of sarcasm.

I looked over at Jesse and he looked like he was holding back a laugh. His face was straight, but there was a laugh on his lips.

Very soft looking lips.

Urggh!

No, stop, Suze! What the hell possessed you to think that?

"Susannah," Father Dom said. I looked up and he was looking back at me very curiously. He just shook his head, grabbed a pen off his desk and signed a pass for us to go back to class. "You and Jesse have the same class this period, correct?"

I nodded. He filled out the time and then handed it to me. "Now, go back to class. If any . . . problems arise, come to me."

Jesse and I nodded and went to our next class.

- § -

I had to go back to the courtyard between periods to get my bag and everything, since I kind of left the table and forgot all about my lunch. But when I went there, there was nothing there. Panicking, since my money and everything was in my bag, I went to the office to go and see if anyone had picked it up and brought it there.

I panicked even more when one of the secretaries said they didn't have anything. I groaned and went to class, of which I was late.

CeeCee was in my class this period and she looked at me and pointed to her bag. She passed me a note that said 'I have yours'. I looked back at her and she handed it to me when the teacher wasn't looking.

Huh. I was panicking for nothing. I should have known CeeCee would have held on to it for me. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

Soon enough, school was being let out and I was ecstatic. Being stuck in that hell-hole is . . . well, hell. And I have to endure it every single day.

When I got to the parking lot to go wait for Jake to come out and drive me, Brad, and Doc home, I realized that his car was nowhere in sight. Meaning, he left all ready.

And I was stuck without a ride home. Which meant I had to walk.

Which also means that my hair is going to get all frizzy and my flip-flops are going to start squeaking.

Ugh.

Well, I mine as well start the million mile trek now. No time like the present.

So I started walking in the direction of the hills, when I heard someone call my name out. Now, usually people call me 'Suze' and everything, so when I heard 'Susannah' I barely even paid attention. Then I was all, 'hey, that's my full name,' and I turned around to see who was calling me by my first name.

And I saw Jesse. He waved at me, gesturing for me to come over. Then he pointed at a car and I realized that he was offering me a ride home. Well, more or less.

Boy, was I ever thankful.

Calmly, I walked over there. "Hey, Jesse," I said when I reached where he was by his car. Which, might I say, was a _really_ nice car. Rare, too, as he so loved to tell me. A '76 Ford Mustang.

Uh-huh.

He opened the passenger-side door for me. I got in and said, "Thanks," to which he just smiled. He walked around to the other side and got in, putting his seat belt on and gesturing for me to do the same.

I was still a little shocked that he actually opened to door for me before I got in. I mean, guys do that sometimes, but sort of in a mocking fashion. Jesse, though, he seemed really sincere when he did that.

I was beginning to realize that Jesse is kind of conservative.

"Any preferences?" he asked, pressing the 'FM' button on the radio. I shook my head and he switched the station to some classic rock. Huh. At least he has good taste in music.

He put the car into drive and backed out of the parking spot. Then he drove out onto the road and took off. The car ride was soothing in a way. I guess it was just how smooth and, well, quiet the ride was. I mean, as opposed to getting a ride with my three step-brothers and their occasional friend who needed a ride.

And the thing is, we didn't speak once of the whole ghost business thing earlier.

Jesse pointed to the Algebra II book in my lap. "I noticed you were having trouble with that in class," he said.

I looked down at the book and then back at him. I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks and realized that I was blushing. "Um, yeah," I said. "Math is really not my forte."

He smiled. "I guess it's a good thing its mine, then, huh?"

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you implying?"

And you'll never guess what he did then. He frigging rolled his eyes at me! If he weren't one of my best friends, I would have made sure he couldn't ever roll his eyes again.

Then again, I wouldn't want to mess up that face.

Um . . . yeah. You so didn't read that.

"Do you need a tutor?" he asked calmly, like he asks people this all the time. Then again, maybe he does.

I looked back at the book. Well, I _did_ really suck at math and I'd actually like to get at least a 'B' the first marking period . . .

"I don't _need_ one," I said. "But . . . I could use one."

He grinned. "Then how 'bout we start today?" And then he proceeded to do a 360-spin around move and headed towards his house instead.

Nah, just kidding. Jesse's too conservative to do tricks with his car, even if it is nice.

Um, just to clarify, I meant his _car_ was nice. Just, uh, clarifying that for you.

"Uh, okay," I said. Okay, what thehell is with all this spontaneous shit? This isn't the Jesse I'm used to . . .

He laughed at my apparent weirded-out-ness. Then he said, "Where would you like to do it?"

And I swear, I choked on my spit. Finally realizing that he did not mean _that_ (although, I don't even know why I thought that he would ever say that and mean it), I said, "Um, I don't care. Wherever is good for you."

Not even realizing why I took me so long to answer him, he said, "I was hoping you would say that." He looked at me at me and grinned. "How does the beach sound?"

I smiled, this time not acting weird or anything. "The beach sounds great," I said.

**_Disclaimer: The great Meg Cabot owns all of the Mediator characters, plus my life, since I no longer have one._**

**A/N: Review, my little dumplings!**


	7. Trigonometry

**SECRECY **

Chapter 7

"Take the sine of angle 'A' and multiply it by side 'b' and then divide that by side 'a'. And then find the inverse sine of that answer."

I nodded and did all that in my calculator. And I got it right.

Score one for Suze!

I looked at Jesse in amazement. "Wait, so that's it?"

He nodded and smiled. "That's it."

I smiled, happy that I knew how to do this stuff — and that I had a better chance of passing the quiz on Monday — and shut the algebra book in my lap, placing it next to me in the sand.

Jesse and I were at the beach. This became our regular spot for his tutoring me in all things mathematical. He even offered to help me with chemistry, to which I thankfully accepted. I was on the brink of failure in that class.

Thank God for Jesse. Seriously.

The sun was beginning to set on the horizon and the sky was illuminated with pinks and oranges. It was simply beautiful.

Usually I went to the beach during the day to get a tan and whatnot, but I never really came at night. So I never once — the whole time I've lived in Carmel — had I witnessed the beauty that is a Californian sunset.

Boy was I missing out.

I laid back in the sand and just let the sweet salty night air wash over me. The sound of the waves crashing ashore was soothing to my overworking mind.

I felt Jesse's eyes on me and turned to face him. I smiled at him but also gave him that look that was like 'what?'.

"You don't do this very often, do you?" he asked.

I raised my eyebrows. "Do what?"

"This," he said, gesturing to the ocean and the beach and the sunset. When he saw that I still didn't get what he meant, he said, "_Relax_."

I sat up and looked at him strangely. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He sighed. "It means that you never take time to relax and enjoy yourself. I've noticed the way you act sometimes, the way you just need some time to forget everything and be by yourself."

"One," I said, "I'm not by myself. And two, I do so relax. Do you not see me fall asleep in class?"

He chuckled to myself. "That's not what I meant, _querida_."

"Well—" I stopped abruptly and looked him straight in the eye. "Wait, what did you call me?"

He completely ignored my question. He just stood up and started to walk towards the ocean.

"Hey!" I cried. "Where are you going?"

And he ignored me, yet again. Ugh.

What the hell did I do? Was it something I said? Or maybe I smell bad?

Just for good measure, I lifted my arm up and very subtly sniffed my armpit. Nope. No B.O.

Grumbling, I got up out of my comfy spot in the sand and walked over to him. "Jesse," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

He turned around and shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "I was just thinking, is all."

Although I knew it was definitely _not_ nothing, I didn't push it. It was his choice to tell me. And if he didn't, then, well, he didn't.

"Okay," I said. I noticed he wasn't smiling anymore. He didn't look like he was angry or upset or anything, but his mood had definitely darkened.

We both started walking along the shore of the beach. I didn't feel like sitting back down, then. I felt like I had to move around and do something. And I guess Jesse felt the same, since he was walking right next to me.

"Have you . . . have you ever wanted to do something so badly, but you know you shouldn't?"

Surprised at his random topic, I answered, "Um, no, not really. I mean, I've done things that I shouldn't have in the past, but its not like I ever wanted to do them in the first place."

"Ghosts?" he inquired knowingly.

I nodded. "Yeah." The wind picked up then and I felt my hair being tossed around carelessly by it. "So, what did you mean by that, anyway?" I asked.

"Just a hypothetical question," he said.

But I knew better than that. I stopped dead in my tracks, which caused Jesse to stop, too, and look at me. When he had completely come to a stop and was looking me dead in the eye, I asked, "Jesse, what's really bothering you? I'm your best friend, you can tell me."

And he went and laughed at me. It wasn't a mocking laugh or anything, but it still felt like he was laughing at my attempt to pry information from him. Which, I guess I was and all.

"Susannah," he said, "there are some things that I just cannot discuss with you."

If he thought I was going to stop there, boy, was he wrong. "What? You think I'll go and gossip about it or something? Jesse, I'm not like that. I don't do that, like mostly every other girl in our school does."

He sighed. "No, that's not what I meant."

"Then what _did_ you mean, Jesse?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "Susannah, you're a . . . a woman. I guess I feel . . . uncomfortable discussing my problems with you."

Suddenly realizing what he meant, I grinned. "Oh," I said. "I think I see what's going on. Girl problems, Jesse?"

He looked at me in shock. "No," he said. "Not that."

"Oh, don't play dumb with me. Who is it, huh? What girl in school do you have a crush on?"

He continued walking again. Faster than before. Huh, I guess he was annoyed with me.

Oh well.

"I'm not gonna stop bugging you until you tell me, Jesse," I said, trying to catch up with him. By that time, it was pretty much dark out, so I could just see the outline of his figure. I was hoping he wouldn't start running away from me. I so am not good with running in flip-flops, especially in the sand.

I caught up with him, finally, and told him to stop.

He didn't.

So I ran in front of him, which caused him to stop. He nearly bumped into me, but it served its purpose.

"Come on, Jesse, just t—"

Only, I didn't get to finish what I was saying, since, all of a sudden, I felt his lips on mine, warm, soft, and luscious.

Needless to say, I forgot what I was bugging him about.

His hands came to my waist and pulled me into him, so he could get better access to my lips. I wasn't thinking at all during the time that our lips were locked. It didn't even register that Jesse and I were best friends.

But then the waves were breaking on shore, closer and closer. The cool water came up to my ankles and the sudden rush of cold water on my skin startled me.

I pulled back quickly from Jesse.

Only then did I realize what had just happened.

Jesse had just kissed me.

**A/N: A little short, I know, but I updated really fast!That's gotta count for something, right?Don't forget to review!**

trisisabel **- I was having a weird moment, hence the weird comment.**

Leash **- Who says they're even getting together? What if Paul just comes in and sweeps Suze off her feet? Hey, you never know, it could happen.**

Silver Nemesis** - There's no good Mediator fanfic without Paul. He just creates so much drama.**

Sharkina **- I'd like to join you in the giggle-fest, Aina. Let's just hope the beach is deserted. Or really dark.**


	8. Making Ends Meet

**SECRECY **

Chapter 8

Jesse ignored me all next week. He only talked to me when he had to, and vice versa. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I didn't realize how much I liked Jesse's attention until I was no longer receiving it.

I guess I can't really blame him, though. What happened at the beach that night _was_ kind of weird. I thought kissing him would make me cringe, because I consider him as much of a brother to me as my step-brothers.

Or, I guess, consider_ed_. Now, I can't really say that he's a brother to me. Because, frankly, I _liked_ when he kissed me. It was like nothing I'd ever imagined.

And, well, it was my first kiss.

Ever.

Huh. Imagine that. Someone you thought could be your brother is the one to give you your first kiss.

Okay, off the subject of Jesse kissing me, please.

The thing is, though, being ignored _sucked_. Especially by Jesse.

And I was back to nearly failing Algebra again. My teacher just didn't teach me well. I learned more from Jesse then I ever did from my actual teacher.

So, you see, I had to talk to him. Make ends meet.

So at lunch on Monday, I got up the courage to go and talk to him. I walked up to the table where he sits with Jake and his friends and asked, as politely as I could, if I could speak with him for a minute.

He looked at me for a minute, not even saying or doing anything. Then he nodded and stood up.

I led us over to a secluded area where we could talk without being interrupted.

"Look, Jesse," I said. I was about to say more, but Jesse interrupted me.

"Susannah, if this is about what happened at the beach . . . I - I am very sorry. I don't know what came over me then." He apologized profusely.

I felt bad, because, well, he looked so frustrated and . . . _guilty_. Of kissing me, I guess? But . . . it wasn't all that bad.

"I forgive you," I said quickly. "And, yes, that was what I was going to talk to you about. I just want to forget about that and keep the past behind us. I just _hate_ us not talking, Jesse, and you ignoring me."

He looked unsure. "Are you sure? You're not . . . angry with me?"

"How could I be angry with you? You apologized to me. And I guess you just thought I was that other girl that you have a crush on. Mistakes are made, Jesse. I'm sure you've learned from it."

He opened up his mouth to say something else, but then decided against it and shut his mouth.

I wondered what he was going to say. I was actually going to ask him, but I really didn't think he'd tell me, anyway. "So, we're good, then?" I asked hopefully.

He hesitated, then nodded. "Yes. We're . . . good." For someone who lives in this century, he sure doesn't like the way we talk. He seemed hesitant to say 'good', they way it was used.

Jesse never ceases to amaze me.

"Great," I said. I turned around to go back over to the table where CeeCee, Adam, and Marta were sitting, but I turned back around and said, "So, I'll see you tonight for algebra lessons?"

He smiled. "Of course," he said.

I felt so much better now that everything was all cleared up. But . . . I kind of felt disappointed. That he just kissed me because he thought I was someone else for a minute.

Or maybe as just an experiment?

Whatever it was, I just couldn't forget it. Forget the way his lips felt on mine, how . . . _right_ it felt.

I shook my head of those thoughts and walked back to our lunch table.

- § -

Okay, so remember that guy I said that asked me out?

He did it again.

It was as I was coming out of school. I was walking over to Jesse's car so he could drive me home when he just grabbed my arm and pulled me aside.

I didn't realize it was him until I turned to look at him — and punch him in the face. Don't look at me like that. I had no idea who it was at the time and he actually _touched_ me. No one does that unless I want them to or they want to get their face smashed in.

While this guy was somewhat tolerable, I was kind of pissed off then. He could have just said my name and I would have talked to him. He didn't have to drag me away somewhere to talk to him.

Ugh.

Kind of snappishly, I asked, "What the hell do you want, Paul?"

He smirked. The smirk I've come to learn very rarely leaves his face. "What," he said, "I get no hello?"

"Not if you just grab my arm and drag me somewhere," I said. "Now, can you just tell me what you want so my ride doesn't leave without me?"

He glanced over to where Jesse's car was. "Oh, that new guy that's giving you a ride home? I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I gave you a ride."

"Paul, come on. We've been over this before. I—"

"Yes, I know, Suze. But I was wondering if you perhaps changed your mind?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "And why would I do that?"

His icy blue eyes glistened. "Because I think you are better than any of the girls at this school. You're not fake, like them. You—"

"Can we get real, here?" I said moodily. Jesse, I could tell, was waiting by his car, wondering where I was. "Do you really expect me to believe that bullshit?"

He looked insulted. That I would call any words that came out of his mouth bullshit. Hey, he was just that type of guy. The rich, hot ones that think they can always get whatever they want.

And let me tell you, this is one thing he is not getting.

"Come on, Suze. I can prove that I'm a good guy. Better than de Silva over there, at least." He rolled his eyes at Jesse checking his watch.

Just walk away, Suze. And if he tries to grab your arm again, just punch him in the nose. Yeah, that always works.

But I didn't walk away. He had just insulted Jesse. And insinuated that I liked Jesse. Which I so totally did not. "Shut the hell up, Paul. You have no idea what you're talking about."

And then I walked away. He called my name a few times, but I just ignored him. That's what you have to do with guys like that. Ignore them.

And hope they go away.

I smiled at Jesse as I approached him. And he smiled back, despite the fact that I was a good ten minutes late. Maybe eight, but that's cutting it close.

"Sorry I took so long," I said. "Had to stop in to see Father Dom really quick." Okay, so I was lying, but I honestly don't think Jesse wants to hear about the almost-stalker I have.

He looked at me skeptically for a second, like he didn't believe me. Then he just shrugged and said, "It's all right," and opened up the car door for me to get in.

- § -

After my tutoring session with Jesse, he drove me back to my house. I went in and ran up to my room to take a shower before dinner.

But I was shocked to see that Jesse was still there after I had showered. In fact, he was staying for dinner. Andy had made extra, I soon realized.

Jesse smiled at me as I made my way into the dining room, just in time for dinner. Everyone was all ready seated, waiting for me so they could say grace and dig in.

Andy looked up and smiled. "It seems we have a straggler," he said jokingly.

I just rolled my eyes and took my seat next to my mom. We said grace and then ate dinner peacefully. Well, at least until some unexpected decided to show up.

Someone that only Jesse and I could see.

Frustrated, I excused myself from the table and, trying not to avert too much attention to myself, I dragged the ghost out of the dining area.

I soon felt Jesse's presence behind me. I gestured for him to follow me into the living room area, where the people in the dining room couldn't hear us.

"What," I said to the ghost, "do you want?"

Seemingly shocked at the fact that I had touched him before, and now that I had talked to him, he stammered out, "I-I don't u-understand . . ."

I rolled my eyes. I should have expected this. "Look," I said, "you are not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be in heaven or hell or your next life or something, _not_ just hanging around here among the living."

He looked at Jesse and then back at me. "How is it that you guys can see me when no one else can?" It seems his stammer has disappeared.

I sighed and was about to answer when Jesse said, "We're mediators," he said. "We can see, touch, and talk to the spirits of the deceased."

The ghost blinked.

"Yeah," I said, "what he said." I noticed Jesse rolling his eyes out of the corner of my eye. "Now, what's your name?"

"Leon," he said, still a little shocked over the whole ordeal. I guess I couldn't really blame him. Pretty much every ghost did this when they figured out that there were people that could see them. "Leon Sanders."

I nodded. "Okay, Leon, what do you think is keeping you here? Like, did something happen before you died that you left unfinished or something?"

He shrugged. "I . . . I don't know. I thought that you just went to heaven or hell after you died."

"You do," I said. "But, if you have unfinished business, like you seem to have, then you stay here and go to people like us."

He started playing with his hands nervously.

"Okay, let's start with how you died," I said authoritatively. I put my hands on my hips and looked at him expectantly.

But he didn't seem to want to talk about it. He just kept his mouth shut and his gaze averted from me.

Ugh. Why do I always get the difficult, close-mouthed ones? Why?

"Were you—"

But I didn't really get to finish my sentence, since my mother called for me. Jesse looked at me with those warm brown eyes and gestured for me to go to her.

I sighed and went to see what my mother wanted.

**A/N:** **Hey, everyone! Sorry I haven't posted this in a while. Well, compared to my other fics, I'm doing pretty good, but it _felt_ like a while to me. So I typed as fast as I could to get this chapter finished. And now it is. I actually had a different plan for this chapter, but my fingers have minds of their own apparently. Hehe. **

**You all know how much I like reviews...hint hint...wink wink...**

**-Nicole**


	9. Tingling

**SECRECY **

Chapter 9

Have you ever wondered what you are supposed to be doing in life? Like, what your purpose on Earth is?

I know I have. More than enough times.

For instance, why did God pick _me,_ of all people, to be a mediator. Why not someone more qualified, like Kelly Prescott, or something?

Yeah, let the burden be put on her. THEN she'd know how difficult it is to fit in with everyone else, when ghosts are always coming to you with all their problems.

Eh, whatever. I really have learned to deal with it, but sometimes I just need to rant about it.

That being one of the times.

But, I don't know. Maybe if I wasn't cursed with this stupid 'gift' then I'd have more guys asking me out. I mean, I know I'm not butt-ugly or anything. I think I'm actually kinda pretty, in my own way. I'm not trying to be vain or anything. I mean, I wouldn't go as far as to say I was a knock-out.

No, not so much.

And when I say guys asking me out, I don't mean arrogant jerks like Paul. Yeah, sure, he's hot and everything. _Really_ hot. But the whole arrogance thing kinda takes away from his looks.

If he wasn't so full of himself I probably would have agreed on going out with him.

At first I was just playing hard to get when I turned him down, but after I realized how conceited he was, I immediately knew I didn't want to be dealing with that.

Although, I have to say, the whole playing-hard-to-get thing worked. But not to my advantage.

But anyway, after I talked to my mom during dinner, I went back into the room where Jesse and the ghost were. But when I walked in, I found that the ghost was no longer there.

Huh. I guess Jesse took care of it all ready.

So we went back to eating dinner. Jesse left after dinner. He said his parents were going out and he had to watch his sisters. And I volunteered to go with him. I figured I could use a little girl talk with Marta and Josephina.

The drive there was kind of long, since Jesse now lived just on the border of Carmel and the next town over. If it weren't for his mother's insistence on him and his sisters going to the mission, I'm sure they would be going to RLS, Robert Louis Stevenson (our school's major rival), right now.

Jesse opened the door for me when he parked in his driveway, as per usual. We walked up the pathway together and he told me that Marta was probably in her room, IM-ing some of her friends from Florida that she missed, and vice versa.

So I went up the stairs and into her bedroom. I really didn't even think about knocking - if she didn't want anyone to see anything, she would have locked it, right?

So when I walked in, I saw something that shocked the hell out of me.

Marta making out with a guy on her bed.

Now, normally this wouldn't bother me. But she had JUST moved here and all ready she was going through guys in the snap of a finger.

I'm not saying she's a slut. No, not at all. She's one of my best friends. I'm just saying that she likes variety.

And I'm very aware that she's still a virgin.

I think.

I mean, she would tell me that, right? If she lost her virginity? Even if it was before she moved here?

I hoped she would. Because I'm pretty sure I would tell her. And CeeCee.

Not Jesse though. Oh, no. He'd probably flip. He seems like the abstinence kinda guy.

But anyway, when I opened up Marta's bedroom and saw her making out with some guy I recognized from school - one of the jocks, how surprising - I must have let out some kind of gasp, or something, since Marta and the guy practically fell off the bed in astonishment.

Marta got up right away and quickly shut the door that was ajar behind me. I was still standing there, completely and utterly shocked.

"Oh, my God," was what finally came out of my mouth.

Marta and the guy - whose name I had yet to learn - were standing there guiltily - well, Marta was standing, her escort was still on the floor, attempting to get up.

"Suze, you scared me half to death. I thought you were Jesse!" she exclaimed. "Oh, my God," she went on, "he would have _killed_ me, and murdered John here."

I saw that John's face went completely pale. Apparently he didn't know whose sister he was dealing with here. Jesse could easily beat this guy to a bloody pulp. Not that I think Jesse would go that far.

Actually, I didn't know what to think.

"Well, I think maybe John should leave. Jesse's downstairs right now."

She looked at me curiously. "I thought he was eating dinner at your house?"

I smirked. "Your mom called him and said he needed to come home and watch you guys."

Marta suddenly looked outraged. I noticed John was trying to subtly sneak out the window behind her. "What!" she exclaimed. "How can she DO that? I'm sixteen, you know. I can take care of myself. Just because Jesse is a two years older than me doesn't mean that I have to be _watched_ by him constantly. GOD."

"I don't think your mom meant it like that, Marta. I don't think she knew if you were going out or not, and Jesse was coming home anyway—"

"Whatever," she said. Then she turned around and noticed John. "You leaving?"

He nodded. "Uh, if you're brother is home, I think I better."

She nodded, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Yeah, that might be a good idea." She leaned over and kissed him. "I'll call you later, okay?"

He nodded and slunk out the window.

Marta sat down on her bed, Indian-style, and patted the seat next to her for me to sit down on. I did, but I leaned my head back against the headboard.

"So," Marta said, her attention completely on me, "what's the deal with you and my brother?"

I suddenly started having a coughing fit. Marta just shook her head and waited for me to stop. "What - what do you mean?" I finally was able to get out.

"There's obviously something going on between you two. I mean, I've definitely noticed the tension between both of you lately." She stopped and cocked her head, staring me straight in the eyes. "Something happened, didn't it? Something like—" She stopped herself midsentence. Her eyes got really wide all of a sudden and I swear I thought she was going to start jumping up and down. "Oh, my God. He didn't."

I blinked a few times before asking, "Didn't what?" But I all ready knew the answer to that.

"Kiss you."

I didn't say anything. She would find out either way. She was always able to see right through me and my lies.

She squealed. "Oh, my GOD! No way. No freaking way."

Okay, for being Jesse's sister, she seemed really psyched that he kissed me. Which was kind of weird to me.

"Look, it just _happened_, okay? I don't think he really meant anything by it. He probably just thought I was some girl he liked or something."

Now that I think about it, that does seem a little unlikely. He would be able to tell the difference between me and the girl he liked, whoever she was.

She scoffed. "Right." She shook her head in disgust. "God, both of you are freaking BLIND, you know?"

I blinked again. "Um, okay."

She rolled her eyes. "Look, Suze. God, Jesse will _kill_ me if he finds out I told you. But he _likes_ you, Suze. A _lot_."

Once again, I blinked. I was rendered speechless.

"He...he can't," I heard myself say.

She cocked an eyebrow, something I wish I could do. All I can do is just raise both of my eyebrows at once. "Oh? Why can't he?"

"Because...because he's practically my _brother_, Marta. I've known him for, like, _ever_."

She smirked. "Suze, is that what you think? GOD, you two are so screwed up. That's _exactly_ what he said. Ugh."

When I didn't say anything, she continued. "I wouldn't lie about this, Suze, okay? I _know_ he likes you. He _told_ me. Well, more or less. Guys never really know how to sort out their emotions." She let out a light laugh, then said, "But you like him, too. I can tell you do."

And that's what it took for me to realize that I _really_ did like Jesse. For Jesse's sister to tell me that I liked him.

I mean, the feeling was always there. And it wasn't just for him being hot.

"Suze," Marta continued. "I know my brother is a looker. You better get him now before other girls get up the courage and start asking him out."

"But...how do I do that? I...I don't know what to say...or do..."

"God," she said, "don't you read _any_ romance novels?"

"Uh, no," I said. _In fact, I don't read at all. _But I didn't think it was necessary to add that.

She got up off her bed and started pacing the floor. "Well, since he all ready kissed you, technically he all ready made the first move. He probably thinks you didn't like it, so he won't try it again. So, its up to you, Suze. You gotta make the move."

"But what do I _do_?" I asked helplessly. When it comes to relationships and boys I'm like Father Dominic with computers. I don't know what the hell to do.

"Kiss him. Kissing always makes everything all better."

By then my mouth was agape, shaped in a perfect 'O' formation. "Kiss him? You just expect me to go down there and kiss him, like its nothing?"

"Well, I wasn't talking about right now, but, yeah, that's pretty much it. I mean, you gotta act all nonchalant about it. You can't be all nervous and then kiss him. It won't be right."

Nonchalant, I repeated in my head. Right.

I still couldn't believe she was telling me to kiss her brother. Seriously, why me?

But, I thought, _any girl would be lucky to have Jesse. _

, I thought, 

I don't deserve him, though. He should be with one of those girls. You know, student council president, captain of the cheerleading squad, gets straight A's...

I am none of that. I can't even pass math class without him. And I can't do a cartwheel, let alone a frigging back flip and junk like that.

I am the vice president of our class, but that's not as important as being the president.

I decided to voice this to Marta.

Bad idea.

"What?" she asked, like I was crazy. "Of course you deserve him, Suze! Why do you think like that?" Then she grinned. "Plus, its he who has the hots for you."

I just blinked at her, yet again. Me...hot?

Psh.

Yeah, right.

"No, I'm serious," she said when she saw the look on my face. "You're just in denial, Suze. Everyone else sees it but you...and Jesse."

"But...but don't you think he should be with someone else? Some who's popular and smart and beautiful, someone—"

"—like Kelly Prescott?" she asked, all ready seeing where I was heading with this. "No. First, she's not smart, at all. She's just a suck-up. Second, Jesse hates her...with a passion."

I blinked again. "He does?"

She snorted. "Of course he does! I mean, ever since he tried to put the moves on him in the breeze way one day. He called her a slut and everything and told me not to hang out with her."

I was shocked by this news. And, well, the fact that Jesse actually called a girl a slut. "He called her a slut?" I asked, shocked.

"Well, not exactly. He called her a _puta_, which is, like, the same in Spanish. Only, I think it's a little harsher."

She stood up, then, off the bed. All of a sudden, she started jumping up and down and squealing. "Oh, my God! This is so great! Maybe you two could get married. Then you'd be, like, my sister."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here," I said, in what I thought was a cool voice. I'd have to remember to use that when I would talking with Jesse later.

"Okay, okay," she said and say back down. "But just do what I said. And...maybe you should make sure you guys are alone before you do it. And preferably dim."

I nodded my head. I stored that in my memory, like everything else she was telling me. Then I remembered something. Something Jesse had said to me before, but I never really cared about finding out, until now. "Hey," I said. "What does kayreeda mean?" I asked, trying to pronounce it the best I could.

She cocked her head. "Where did you here that, Suze?" But she all ready knew. I could tell by the smirk that had now settled nicely on her face.

I groaned. "Oh, come on, tell me what it means."

Her smirk grew. "Nah. I think Jesse will have to tell you that one."

I groaned again, but I let it pass. She wasn't going to tell me anway. "Anything else I should know?" I asked quickly.

She looked up at the ceiling for a moment, thinking. Then her eyes came back on mine and she shook her head. "Nope. I think you're good."

- § -

Jesse's mother came back home at around nine. She thanked Jesse and I and said Jesse was free to go out now. _This is my chance_, I thought.

Marta came down then and saw me standing next to Jesse. She winked and mouthed 'good luck'. However, Jesse saw it and looked at me questioningly. I just shrugged and told him she was crazy, to which he just chuckled in a agreement.

As Jesse was driving me home, I decided to be a little spontaneous. "Hey," I said, as we came to a stop at the stoplight. "Why don't we go to the beach or something?"

He looked over at me, an eyebrow cocked.

"It's a Friday night," I said. "My curfew isn't until midnight anyway."

Then he just shrugged, as the light turned green. Instead of making a right turn onto my street, he kept going, heading toward the beach.

He parked up front and we got out, heading for the comfort of the sand. It was a windy night and my hair down, falling over my shoulders. I felt the wind picking up, tossing my hair carelessly in its wake.

I went about halfway down the beach, stopped, and plopped myself down in the sand. I laid back and dug my feet in the sand, the cold rush of the sand beneath seeping through my socks.

Jesse sat down beside me, content. We didn't even say anything for a while, just listened to the waves crashing ashore as the tide moved it, the occasional squawk of a seagull as it passed by overhead.

Then Jesse broke the silence. "Why did you want to come here, anyway?" he asked softly.

I shrugged, staring up into the starlit abyss. I could make out the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper and even Orion's Belt. But all of those other constellations that I had learned way back were forgotten, so I had to just settle for those.

"I don't know," I said back, just as softly. "Its just quiet here, I guess. Soothing, you know? Its like, when I'm here, it feels like nothing can go wrong."

I saw him smile out of the corner of my eye. "Ah, buts that's only an illusion, Susannah."

I smiled, too. "Yeah, but it's a nice illusion."

He chuckled. Suddenly, that was something that I loved to hear. The sound of his laughter. It was something intoxicating, something I could just not get enough of.

Oh, God, I thought grimly, _I'm turning into a sap_.

, I thought grimly, . 

"Susannah," Jesse said, breaking into my thoughts. "What are you thinking?"

What was I thinking?

A lot, actually. But I didn't know what to tell him. Or if I should even answer at all.

"I don't know," I settled on saying. "I mean, I guess I'm just thinking about all the stuff that's been going on around me lately."

"Like what?" he asked.

I turned on my side and looked at him. "Like you," I said softly.

He looked surprised, to say the least. "Me?"

"Yeah," I said, getting more confident as I kept talking. "How I'm just drawn to you. Its like, I dread the moments that I'm not around you, yet I'm nervous as hell when I am. And, okay, this is going to sound a little weird, but ... I can't stop thinking about you." I looked at him, then, seeing how he was taking all this. Was Marta right? Did he really like me?

I couldn't tell, though. He wasn't doing anything, saying anything. He was just looking at me, like I was a freaking clown on crack.

Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Look, I'm sorry, Jesse," I said, and started to get up. "I didn't mean to freak you out. I just...I dunno. I really am sorry."

He looked up at me from where he was still sitting. "Susannah," he said, his voice especially deep at that moment, "you didn't freak me out."

He stood up as well. I didn't really notice until that moment how tall he really was. Compared to me, Jesse was like a giant. He towered over me. But not in an inferior-feeling type of way. I felt safe when he was around, comforted, like nothing could ever hurt me.

And then I did something that I never thought I had the boldness to do.

I stood up on my tippy-toes and kissed him.

And I felt him kiss me back fervently, like he never expected this to happen. And, well, I guess I didn't either. I mean, I really wasn't sure whether he'd kiss me back or not.

His big, strong, callused hands came around my tiny waist and drew me into him even more, so our fronts were pressed up against each other.

And I wrapped my arms around his neck, just to get that little bit closer to his mouth.

But soon enough my feet were aching from standing on my tippy-toes for too long, and my oxygen supply was running dangerously low. So, regrettably, I pulled away from him, my lips tingling like crazy.

And when I looked up at him again he smiled at me. A smile that could just brighten up my whole day (or night, in this case). I smiled back, suddenly becoming very giddy.

After a few moments of just staring at each other, I started getting a little nervous. "Uh," I tittered, "maybe we should go back now."

Instead of agreeing and walking back to his car, he just grinned and said, "I happen to like it here."

Which, you know, just made my heart beat faster and faster, flip-flopping in my chest cavity. I never knew it could do acrobats until then.

And then he leaned in for another kiss. That one even better than the first.

About an hour later, we were both just sitting in the sand, talking. The kissing was nice and everything — really nice — but I think we needed to talk about things before it started getting serious. Like, for instance, how all of this happened.

Not that I was complaining. I liked Jesse's kisses. They made me feel all, well, warm and fuzzy inside. I know I sound like a little kid, but I just couldn't describe it.

And, not to mention the fact that this was all so completely new to me. It was like another world, another language. Something I wasn't quite used to yet, but I'd get used to it with time, I guess.

Actually, Jesse stopped kissing me because he said he was being too forward. Who the hell says that these days, though? Isn't it supposed to be the guy that wants to keep going, not the girl?

I mean, Jesse restrained himself more than I could. That's all I'm saying.

"Jesse," I said suddenly, Marta coming to my mind.

"Hm?" he mumbled.

"What does 'kay-ree-da' mean?" I said, repeating the same thing I had said to Marta.

He hesitated. "It's nothing bad," he assured me.

I turned to look at him. "But what does it mean?"

He hesitated again. I guess he really didn't want to tell me. Was he embarrassed by it or something? "It means...nevermind."

"Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. I promise I won't make fun of you for it."

He sighed resignedly. "It means sweetheart. Or dearest one."

And I felt the grin appear on my face. He had called me sweetheart. And, okay, so maybe it was in Spanish. So what? It still made a smile come to my face, just like seeing his smile did to me.

"Aw," I said, leaning in to him, my face only inches from him. "That's so sweet."

"Sus—" but he didn't get to finish, because I kissed him again.

It was weird. I mean, I never thought I'd be this way before. Never thought I would be so spontaneous and, well, slutty. I mean, we hadn't even gone out on a date and all ready I was making out with him.

Well, I guess you could technically call this a date, but it was not _meant_ to be a date.

Jesse pulled away after a minute of kissing. "Susannah, we really shouldn't be doing this."

I pouted. "Jesse, no one is here. Who cares?"

"_I_ care, Susannah. I cannot just be acting this way with you. I am being too forward with you."

"Jesse, come on. Get real, okay? It's the freaking 21st century. Its _okay_ to do this." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Maybe I was being too slutty.

Great, we were having an argument all ready. God, can I do _anything_ right?

He sighed too. "I know. It just doesn't feel right, though."

I took his hand in mine and smoothed my thumb over the palm of his hand. "Jesse, I'm sorry. You're right. I mean, we haven't even gone out on a _date_, yet." I stood up. "Come on, let's go back."

He stood up, too, and we started toward his car together. When we got to my house, I was about ready to get out, when he said, "Are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

I smiled. "I might be hanging with CeeCee, but...I'll try and cancel."

He smiled, too. "All right. But, look, maybe we shouldn't tell anyone about this..."

I nodded, knowing what he meant. "Yeah, at least until we're sure what's happening." Too bad Marta all ready knows. Or will know when Jesse gets back.

And I went inside and up to my room, feeling so good and floaty and stuff. Like I was on top of the world.

My lips still tingled from Jesse's kisses. I don't think the feeling would ever go away.

Not that I wanted it to.

**A/N: Nice long chappy for yas. I deserve quite a few reviews for this one, don't ya think?**

_Disclaimer: All of the Mediator characters belong to the one and only Meg Cabot._


	10. Going Too Far?

****

SECRECY

Chapter 10

So far no one has found out. About Jesse and I, I mean.

I wasn't quite sure why he was so adamant about people not finding out about us. It's not like one of us was a serial killer or something. Or, you know, gay.

But I still played along with it. If it's what he thought was better, then who was I to say anything about it?

Let me tell you, though, it was hard as hell to stop myself from throwing my arms around him and kissing him senseless whenever I saw him in the hallways at school, or even in classes.

But I knew we had to keep it secret, for whatever reasons Jesse had for it.

I mean, I really wanted to tell people — CeeCee, Adam, my _parents_ — but I knew if Jake or someone found out, they would go berserk.

Wait...maybe _that_'s why Jesse didn't want to tell anyone. That Jake wouldn't be okay with it.

I mean, the guy was his best friend — and my step-brother — so I could see why there was some hesitation there.

I will have to ask Jesse about that.

Pretty much everyday after school we went to the beach. You know, to get some privacy. It's not like we could go to his house and go up to his room without attracting attention. I guess we could just say we were doing a project, but...I'm not so sure some people — Marta, for instance — would fall for that. Besides, Marta all ready knew.

In school the Monday following the incident she actually came right out and asked me. And, well, it's not like I could lie about that. She'd see right through it.

So I told her about it, which she just kept looking at me with a smile on her face. I really didn't get her sometimes. I mean, wouldn't she just run out of the room at the thought of her brother kissing her best friend? I know I would.

But when I told her not to tell anyone, that Jesse and I weren't ready to tell anyone yet, she respected it and said she would keep her mouth shut. And she has.

So far.

The whole thing in school with me 'snagging the hot new guy' had passed a while back. I'm glad it had, since now it would be totally true, and very uncomfortable.

But, yeah, everyone realized we weren't going out, just friends. Which I am so grateful for. Because it would make this all the more difficult to keep secret.

The weekend finally approached and I was ever so thankful. I just couldn't wait until school let out for those two precious days. It's like God was purposely making the week drag so I couldn't be with Jesse.

But then my step-father announced that we were going to have a barbeque that Saturday and Jesse's family was invited.

So, basically, I could be with Jesse, but I couldn't kiss him or anything. Which, you know, is like torture to me.

Well, now, I mean.

Now that everything has been sorted out between us — emotions and the like.

Now its hard just keeping myself from ripping his and my clothes off and having my way with him. Which, now that I think about it, seems very unlikely in the near future.

I mean, with Jesse being the abstinence kinda guy.

He didn't _say_ that, but I can so tell. When we make out, he makes sure he doesn't go past first base. And when he _does_ he stops right away and starts apologizing profusely. Something about not wanting to take something so "precious" away from me.

But really, is virginity so precious? When you think about it, you're just waiting for the right person, or someone you _think_ is the right person, to have sex with. So if you meet that person, wouldn't it be okay to do it with them?

Because I am fully aware that I think Jesse is "the one."

I know its too early to tell, but...I know he cares about me. I know he just wants the best for me. And I _know_ that he feels more than just lust for me.

Maybe even love.

And, yeah, I love him. I may have not admitted that to him as of late, but I will. When the time is right.

And the timing has not been right lately. Believe me.

One day after school we went straight to my house. Jake and Brad were out surfing, Doc was over at some club in school, and my mom and Andy were out at some thing in San Francisco, and they wouldn't be back for a few days.

So, we had the house to ourselves. Well, besides Max, but he wouldn't go blabbing to anyone about it.

"Susannah," Jesse said when he realized no one was home. "I don't think this is a very good idea..."

I rolled my eyes. "Jesse, come on. Everyone is out. It's a perfect time to get some of the alone time that we've been deprived of lately."

He sighed and silently followed me upstairs to my room. "And just in case someone does come home," I said when we got in my room, "we'll just say we were working on a project together."

"_Querida_," Jesse said, using the one word that he knows can coax me into doing anything he says.

Not this time, though.

I smiled mischievously while taking the few short steps to him. I placed one hand on his chest and wrapped one around his neck, bringing him down to my level.

Then I kissed him.

He gave in and kissed me back. Oh, that felt so good.

As subtly as I could, I began pulling him back toward my bed, so we didn't have to stand. But, it seemed, Jesse had no problem with that.

He gently pushed me back on my bed, then climbed on top of me. Once meeting my face again, he met my lips with his own in another lovely kiss. His hand was on my left hip, ever-so-slowly inching its way upwards, much to my delight.

And the weird thing?

He didn't stop like I thought he would.

I felt a big smile come to my face as he pulled his lips away from mine and began suckling on the sensitive part of my throat.

I felt a little sigh escape me as he did that. This guy sure knew what he was doing. And how he was making me feel.

But just as soon as it had started it stopped. Jesse's hands quit roaming and his lips were torn away from my throat. It shocked me so much that I gasped.

Jesse got off of me as quick as he could, which, believe me, was very quick. It was like I was scorching hot water or something and he couldn't go near me, for fear of being burned.

_Well, _I thought_, at least we got further than last time._

"Jesse?" I said unsurely.

He shook his head and distanced himself from me. "Susannah..." He shook his head again. "I am so sorry, _querida_. You have no idea how sorry I am. I should not have b—"

I rolled my eyes and interrupted him. "Jesse, what is wrong with you?" That was more of a rhetorical question. "You think you're 'disrespecting' me, is that right? Well, believe it or not, I _like_ it when you do that, and I know you do too, so don't deny it. What we're doing is _not_ wrong, okay?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair nervously. "Yes, it is, Susannah. I know how these things start. One thing leads to another and..." he trailed off and coughed. I got his point though. "I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop myself if we get too far, _querida_."

I let this sink in a minute before asking quietly, "Is going that far a bad thing?"

I realized then that I probably should not have said that. I mean, we had only been "going out" for a few weeks now. And...I guess I seemed a little slutty, even to myself.

Was it wrong to feel this way with someone I loved?

I couldn't pinpoint the emotion that crossed his face then, if only for a moment. "There are many things that could go wrong, Susannah. I do not want to take the risk of anything bad happening."

I knew it was no use arguing with him about this anymore. In a way he was right. Something could go wrong, even if we were as careful as possible. But even if he was not willing to take the risk, I was.

A few weeks ago, if someone had told me that I wanted to have sex with Jesse, I would have told them they were crazy.

But everything is different now.

A lot different.

Sometimes different can be good, and sometimes it can be bad. Right now I was not sure whether it was good or bad.

I kind of wish I could just go back to when I was eight again, where I had no worries or fears (besides spiders and the likes), where I was innocent, and where Jesse and I were _just_ friends, instead of something more (that isn't to say that I don't like where we are right now, though).

But that can never happen.

Because, frankly, you can't escape love.

**A/N: Review, please!**


	11. Love?

****

SECRECY

Chapter 11

Weeks had passed — we were going on our second month of going out. The season was changing into winter. Although Carmel is very warm year-round, the shock of winter was still among us — temperatures dropping, even if it was only fifty or sixty degrees outside (the nights, though, they were cold). I almost forgot how cold New York had been compared to this. Almost.

And yet, even as we progressed even further into our relationship, we still didn't let anybody know what was going on between us. While I loved Jesse — but had not yet admitted it to his face — I was starting to think that this was a bad idea. People needed to know.

And Marta agreed with me, too, when I complained to her about this. She was the only one who knew now and who I could go to for advice. Unless I wanted to go through a whole 'hypothetical' conversation with my mother, but then she would forget the 'hypothetical' part and flat out ask who it was. I couldn't go through with that.

"Go and talk to Jesse about it," she had advised me. "Let him know how you feel."

I sighed in defeat. That was something I didn't want to do. "Marta..."

She shrugged. "Suze, I know you want people to know about you two, but he doesn't, obviously. There has to be some reason for that and you need to ask him about it."

I sighed again. "You're right," I said.

She just smiled, one which said 'of course I'm right.'

As I was leaving her bedroom to go home, I was thinking about where Jesse and I could go to talk.

But, it turned out, I did not even need to. I bumped into Jesse on my way down. He, of course, was shocked to see me, because he had not even known I was here.

"Susannah," he said, still a little surprised, "what are you doing here?"

I smiled weakly. _Busted_. "Uh, I was just talking with Marta." I cocked my head to the side, remembering something. "What are you doing home? I thought you had to work." Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that. Jesse works at the local historical society, where, I realized when I went in there one day, many girls just go in there to ogle _my_ boyfriend.

"I called in sick today," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you, if that was all right."

I could not help the sudden flicker of fear that clenched my heart. _Was he breaking up with me? _

No, I thought, pushing all of the negative thoughts out of my head_, Jesse would never do that. Despite the fact that he wants to keep our relationship a secret, I know he loves me. I can _feel_ that he loves me._

"Um, okay," I said unsurely.

He smiled a little, but I could tell that it was an effort for him to do so. "Do you have to be home right now?"

I shook my head. "My mom and Andy are out of town again this weekend," I said.

"Oh," he said. He looked pensive. "Would you mind if we went to your house? I'll drive you."

I shook my head. "No, it's fine. I wanted to talk to you, too, actually."

He nodded and chuckled lightly. "I can see this is working out lovely." It was a little bit of sarcasm. I never even knew Jesse was capable of sarcasm. He always seemed so serious all of the time.

It was weird. When I was feeling serious, Jesse was not. And when I was usually carefree and flamboyant, Jesse was all serious and, well, a little uptight. He really did need to loosen up a little bit.

And it was funny, hearing the word 'lovely' come from his lips. I couldn't help but smile. I laughed, too, at what he said.

So we went to my house. Jake was home. Brad was out with his latest skank of the week. And David was at some nerd convention or something.

The first thing Jake said when he saw us was, "Where are you guys going?"

I looked at him and smiled, hoping not to reveal anything. "We're just gonna go hang out."

Jake looked at Jesse, to confirm if what I had just said was true or not. Jesse nodded. Then Jake said, "Man, it seems as if you like hanging out with my sister more than me."

I didn't bother correcting him on the whole sister thing.

Jesse just smiled, too. He knew Jake was kidding, but there was something I caught in his voice that Jesse didn't. Suspicion.

"I'm just a lot more fun than you are, Jake," I said teasingly.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Of course," he said. "How could I not have seen that?"

I grinned. He really was funny when he wanted to be. And although he looked sleepy (or maybe stoned) half the time, he still managed to make everyone around him feel appreciated.

Including me, which was something I rarely experienced before I moved to Carmel, California.

"Well," Jake said. "I'm gonna go catch some waves. You're welcome to join me." He was hinting at something again. I could just tell.

Jesse looked at me questioningly, as if he wasn't sure what to say. Take Jake up on his offer so he wouldn't suspect something, or decline and have Jake wonder?

He opted for the latter, though. "Actually," he said, "there are some things I need to discuss with your sister, Jake."

I didn't bother correcting Jesse, either. I knew it wouldn't be appreciated at that moment.

When Jake raised an eyebrow, I elaborated. "Girl troubles," I said simply. "He just wants some advice." Jake's eyebrow went down and he looked back at Jesse. Jesse at least had the decency to try and look all embarrassed about it.

Or maybe he wasn't even trying at all.

Because, really, that's what it was. Technically, I was not lying at all about the girl troubles. Because, frankly, Jesse and I _were_ having some troubles.

But...Jake didn't need to know that. Not yet, anyway.

"All right," he said. "Well, I'll see you guys later."

"Yeah," I said, as he edged toward the front door. "Bye."

He smiled and then he disappeared out the front door.

"That was close," I said, not even realizing the words escaping my mouth.

"You can say that again," Jesse said. And when I was about to say it again, Jesse held up a hand and said, "Well, maybe not."

And I just laughed.

We made our way upstairs and into my bedroom. I sat down on my bed, which was unmade, the sheets and comforter sliding off the end of the bed, one by one.

Jesse went and sat down on the window seat, scowling at my bed. "What?" I said defensively, when I saw him giving it the eye.

He just shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "It's just that I wonder how someone so perfect like you could be so...disorganized."

I wasn't really put off by the whole disorganized remark. But the whole perfect thing...well, that was a little hard to believe. "Perfect?" I echoed.

He just smiled. "Yes, perfect. To me, Susannah, you are the epitome of perfect."

"To you," I said. "To everyone else I'm just...weird."

He laughed. "Well, you can be a little strange sometimes, but that's why I love you."

I knew he didn't mean to say that. I mean, I knew he _meant_ it, just he didn't mean to say it then. So I wasn't really surprised at the look that crossed his face then.

I didn't say anything, and neither did he. You could cut the tension between us with a knife, I swear. Or hell, even a spoon.

It's amazing how fast the mood can change.

"Susannah, I..." He didn't know what to say now. He was speechless, as was I.

Or so I thought I was.

"You love me?" I asked softly. Although I knew it all along, it was just so..._nice_ to hear him say it. I wanted him to say it again.

He sighed and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I...yes, I do. I didn't mean for it to come out like that, but I do. I think...I think I have always loved you, _querida_."

I smiled, my lips slowly curving upward into a huge grin.

I got up off my unmade bed and crossed the room to my window seat, sitting down next to Jesse. Jesse still seemed really nervous, like he thought I was going to tell him to get lost or something.

Then I leaned into him and kissed him, very slowly and sensually. I pulled back just as he was about to deepen the kiss. Even before I said the words, I knew he knew. "I love you, too," I whispered to him.

And then he was back to kissing me again, pushing me back into the pillows. _Dios_, as Jesse would say. It was _so_ good. Not just the feeling, but now that I was positive he loved me. The confirmation was more than what I had been hoping for.

But just as I knew he would, Jesse pulled away from me just as things were approaching second base. However...it wasn't just for the reason I thought.

"Susannah," he murmured. "I really think we should talk about...whatever we needed to talk about." He paused. "Before things get out of hand."

I smiled, still a little dazed from the kisses he had just given me. "You're right."

He smiled at me, then pulled me back up to a sitting position.

When Jesse didn't say anything, I figured I should start. "Jesse...I want to know something."

It was vague, but Jesse nodded anyway, gesturing for me to continue.

"Why don't you want anyone to know about us? I mean, this whole 'secrecy' thing is getting way out of hand. I...I can't stand it anymore."

He heaved a big sigh. "_Querida_, it's not that I don't want anyone to know. It's just...I'm nervous as to what some people would think."

"Some people? Who? And you should know by now that I don't care what people think of me, and you shouldn't either."

"I know," he said, not elaborating on the whole 'some people' thing.

I sighed. "Jesse, what's going on?"

He didn't answer me. Normally I would just be very disappointed (or very angry), but...I was expecting to not be answered, so the disappointment was not as great.

Although, an answer still would have been nice.

I decided to change the subject. Obviously that was something he didn't want to talk about right now. "What did you want to talk about, Jesse?"

He didn't answer at first. I actually thought he was just going to ignore me again, but he didn't. "What I wanted to talk to you about is actually what you've been asking me. I..." He hesitated. "I guess I'm just afraid people won't accept us."

What? How could he think that? It's not like it was an interracial relationship (well, sort of), or one of us was a druggie or something.

"Who do you think won't accept us, Jesse?" I asked, like before.

He looked up at my ceiling, contemplating on something. Then he brought his eyes back to me. "Well, your brothers, for one."

"And...?"

"And just our families in general. Susannah, we've known each other for so long that...well, it would be very awkward if they suddenly knew we were dating."

"Jesse, my mom and Andy _love_ you — almost as much as I do. They wouldn't think that!"

"That may be true, but that's as your _friend_, Susannah, not as your _boy_friend," he said matter-of-factly.

I contemplated this. "Maybe..." I said. "But we'll never know if we don't let anyone else know."

He was staring at the ceiling again. What was so fascinating about my ceiling, I will never know.

"Is that what this was all about, Jesse? That you didn't know how are families would react?"

The blush creeping onto his face was enough proof for me.

"Well," I said in a business-like voice, "there's only one way to settle this."

- § -

I finished up my make-up and fluffed my hair. It looked okay. I definitely could have done better on it, but I didn't have all that much time. Curling your hair, after all, takes quite a bit of time (or for me at least).

I walked out of the bathroom and checked myself out in the floor-length mirror on the back of my bedroom door.

After I was sure I looked good, I went over to my closet to get some shoes. I finally decided on a pair of flats with red sequins on them that matched my red blouse. My skirt was a white silky one with random red swirls on it (also the same red as my shirt). My purse was just white, since I could not find a red one in my closet.

I looked at the clock on my bedside table. 7:56 p.m. He should be here very soon.

I opened my bedroom door and walked out into the hallway and then down the stairs. My mom saw me coming down and looked at me in shock. "Suzie? Where are you going like that, honey?"

I smiled at her and waited until I was at the bottom on the stairs to explain to her. "I have a date tonight, Mom."

Her eyes widened. Then she hugged me. "Oh, Suzie! Why didn't you tell me beforehand? Can I meet him? Is he handsome?"

"Yes to all of the above."

She grinned, if she wasn't all ready before. "What's his name, honey?"

"I'll tell you when he gets here."

"I'm going to go get Andy," she said excitedly and scurried off toward the kitchen, where, sure enough, Andy was cooking something. I heard there voices from where I was standing, but I couldn't make out what exactly they were saying.

Then the doorbell rang.

Take a deep breath, Suze. It will all be all right.

My mom came out of the kitchen with Andy on her arm right then. Andy didn't look as excited as my mom did, but that was probably because I was sort of like his daughter and he cared for me and I was going on a date.

Woah, run-on sentence there.

I opened the door slowly, and saw Jesse's smiling face. When the door was fully opened, I grabbed his arm and pulled him in.

I turned around to 'introduce' Jesse to my parents. But I noticed that they both had shocked looks on their faces (although, my mom's shock was in delight, I could tell).

"Mom, Andy," I said. "_This_ is my boyfriend."

Jesse flashed them a smile, one that he had probably practiced beforehand.

My mom just ran out of Andy's hold and hugged Jesse. "Oh," she gushed. "I'm so _happy_. I knew you two would be great together."

And, I noticed when she pulled away from Jesse, she had tears in her eyes.

Then Andy came over and pulled Jesse into a hug. You know, one of those manly hugs where the guys just pat each other on the back.

You have no idea how happy I was then, either. I mean, my parents were accepting of this and all and it was just...great.

God, I think Jesse's fear of us not being accepted rubbed off on me.

Jake and Brad weren't home then, so we didn't get to tell them.

What a pity.

"See?" I said to Jesse once we finally got out my house. "That turned out fine."

He smiled. "You were right," he said, and he leaned over and kissed me.

If only _everything_ had turned out that well.

**A/N: See? That one was longer than the last. I'm getting a little better at this. ****Now, what you'll wanna do is review for me. :-)**


	12. BUSTED

****

SECRECY

Chapter 12

Jesse was really happy with my mom and Andy's reaction to us. So I guess that gave him the courage he needed to tell my step-brothers.

But the thing is...we never got to tell them. We _planned_ on telling them when Jesse and I were both together and they were around. That was usually at dinner time, but Andy let Jesse and I go out together, instead of staying in for dinner (my mom had said she would cover for me until I was ready to tell them). But the thing is...we could never get them alone with us. They were always out somewhere, and we never got the chance to tell them.

So, being me, I had a proposition. I would tell my step-brothers that I needed to tell them something—something very important—and we'd get them together and Jesse and I would tell them. I really have no clue why that hadn't occurred to me before. Common sense is really not my forte.

But, of course, things had to go wrong.

Jesse and I had decided to tell them the next day. You know, announce it during dinner, or something. But things never seem to go the way I want them to.

Andy had asked me to go to the store for him to pick up some stuff for dinner. I agreed to, but just as I was going to go in reverse and back out of the driveway, I glanced at the steering wheel and noticed my gas was on E. As in, empty.

I would never make it to the grocery store, or a gas station for that matter, before the gas ran out. And, well, I didn't exactly want to be stuck in the middle of the road with my car. And I was _so_ not going to push it to the side of the road. That's what men are for.

Or, you know, tow trucks.

My phone rang then, and, disgruntled, I took it out of my pocket. I looked at the front and noticed it was Jesse. Hmm...maybe its not as bad as I thought.

"Hey," I said after I flipped my phone open. "I'm actually glad you called. I need a ride to the grocery store."

There was silence on the other end for a good ten seconds, and I was beginning to wonder if Jesse had hung up or something. But, no, he answered, a little confused. "You have a car, do you not?" he asked. It was one of those questions where you already knew the answer, but just had to ask anyway.

"Yes, Jesse," I said. "But, well, I have no gas. And I highly doubt I'm gonna make it to a gas station."

"I love you, Susannah, but you are very careless."

I laughed. Normally if someone said I was careless I would give them a piece of my mind, but, well, this was Jesse saying it. And he said he loved me.

Again.

"It's all part of my charm," I said jokingly.

He chuckled. "Of course. One that even I could not resist."

"Ha-ha," I said. "Come on. I've gotta go there."

"All right. I'll be over in a few minutes."

And he was over in a few minutes. Three minutes and he was pulling up beside the curb. I checked to make sure my car was locked (Brad likes to go and scrounge for money in there sometimes. I can only imagine what else he does in there when he does that. Er, I actually don't even want to imagine - eww.), and then I went over to Jesse's car. Speaking of which, he was getting out of his car to open the passenger door for me.

Aw, how sweet.

I smiled at him, and leaned over to kiss his cheek, when he stopped me. Too late I realized my mistake. "Oh," I said, "right."

He smiled at me. He knew what I was like, but he was there to correct me, whether I liked it or not.

I got in the car and buckled myself up. Jesse would yell at me otherwise, saying that I could be seriously injured if something would have happened. Although, I seriously doubt that. Jesse is the most careful driver I know, even if he does own a Mustang.

After we went to the grocery store, Jesse drove me back to my house to drop the groceries off to him. Jesse took the gas that we had gotten from the gas station on the way back, and he filled my car up with as much as he could. "That should be enough to get you to a gas station," he had said.

Before we went into my house, I looked over at Jesse in the car. "Jesse?" He looked over at me. "You think we can, um, go to your house?"

He studied my face for a minute. He _had_ to know what I was implying, what I wanted. After a moment, he nodded. "If that's what you want,_ querida,_" he said.

About ten minutes later we got to his house. There was some other car in his driveway, probably Marta's boyfriend's car. Either Jesse didn't acknowledge the unknown car, or he just didn't care.

But his parents were out, I soon learned. They were at some show up in San Francisco. They put Marta in charge of watching his other sisters.

We didn't see anyone when we walked into the house. But I could hear the television in the living room. "It's best if they don't know we're here yet," he said. It was his tone that made me realize that he did understand what I was implying earlier.

As soon as we got to his room, he shut his door. He didn't lock it, because people in his house actually knock before they go into a room, unlike in my home.

I smiled at him when he turned around. Oh, God, he was so freaking hot. How did _I_ manage to snag this guy?

He came over to me and put his hands on my hips, drawing me closer to him. "You're sure no one's going to come up here?" I asked.

"I'm sure," he said.

So, you know, I just wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. It was perfect. _He_ was perfect. Everything was just perfect.

Well, for that moment anyway.

I mean, Jesse and I were kissing. We were getting _really_ into it, too. Like, his hand was creeping up my back, under my shirt (possibly heading toward my bra to unclasp it?) and everything.

I remember hearing footsteps, but it didn't really register, you know? We were just so caught up in what we were doing. Besides, if it was just Marta or one of his other sisters it wouldn't matter, right? I mean, Marta all ready knew. And if it was Josephina or Mercedes, or someone, they would just start giggling and run away.

So when the door opened, I didn't really think much of it. So one of his sisters caught us. Big whoop.

That's what I thought. At least until I heard the voice.

"Hey, man, you're home. Wh—"

It was Jake. Oh, shit. It was Jake.

I was the first to break away, followed by Jesse. I grabbed Jesse's hand and practically pulled it out of my shirt. Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

Jesse's back was to him, but I could clearly see the shock on Jake's face when he saw us like that.

He looked at me, then to Jesse, and then back to me. That's when Jesse turned around to face him.

Oh, shit.

As Brad would say, BUSTED.

We were like deer caught in headlights.

"Jake, it's not what you think—" I attempted.

He blinked at me. "It's not what I think?" he scoffed. "So you guys weren't just macking each other? I was just _imagining_ that?"

I looked at Jesse uneasily. His face was bright red, and he actually looked like he was afraid of Jake. Well, I mean, they _were_ best friends. I guess seeing your best friend making out with your sister (even if its just your step-sister) could really get you upset.

Jesse didn't dare say anything. He knew there was nothing he _could_ say.

So it was up to me I guess.

"Look, Jake, we were going to tell you. Tonight, actually. At dinner. You could even ask Mom and Andy—"

"Wait a second. _They_ knew, and _I_ didn't? What the hell is going on here? I want to know!"

I winced at his tone. I had never heard Jake get this worked up before. He _never_ gets mad. The worst I ever saw him was when Brad decided to take his keys and go for a ride in his Camaro.

I took in his appearance. It looked like he had just gotten back from the beach. His sandals were slightly wet and his feet still had some sand on them. Plus, his hair still looked a little wet.

And also, he looked pissed. WAY pissed. Like, I'm-gonna-kill-you pissed.

What the hell had we gotten ourselves into here?

I attempted an explanation. "O-okay. Um, well, Jesse and I...we..." How the hell could I say this?

"You what?" Jake interjected snappily.

I gulped. "We're...together."

"I gathered that," he said sarcastically. "How long has this been going on, Suze?"

I looked down. I couldn't answer that. It had been way too long to be accepted. But, luckily, Jesse answered for me. "Two months," he said. I looked at him. His face was completely blank, showing no emotion whatsoever.

I could tell Jake was pissed without even looking at him. "Two months?" he asked incredulously. "You two have been sneaking behind my back for _two months_?"

"Jake, look, we _wanted _to tell you, but we couldn't."

He turned his stormy eyes to me. "Oh? And why was that?"

"Because we knew that this was how you would react! Can't you just accept that we want to be together? That we - that we _love_ each other?"

He was about to say something, but he stopped. Right away, I knew I had said the wrong thing.

"Love? Is _that_ what you think this is?" he asked sarcastically. He laughed bitterly. "No, you guys aren't in love. You're just in lust."

And with one last glare, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I was afraid to look at Jesse. I knew he must be feeling pretty upset right now. I mean, this was what he was trying to _avoid_.

But it looked like I didn't even have to look at him, because he came over and stood in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders. Looking in my eyes, he said, "Susannah, I am so sorry. I...I cannot believe that happened."

Wait, he thought this was _his_ fault? I was the one who had suggested going to his house to make out, so if I hadn't said that none of this would have happened.

"Jesse, you have nothing to be sorry about, okay? Look, I'll just go home and talk to him, alright? I'll try and explain to him what's really going on."

Jesse shook his head. "No," he said. "He...he's very stubborn, Susannah. He won't even let you explain."

Oh, I would make him let me explain.

"It's worth a try, Jesse. I've lived with him for almost ten years, Jesse. I'll make him listen to me."

He sighed and took his hands off of my shoulders, letting them fall to his side. "This was exactly what I was trying to avoid," he said.

I gave him a weak smile. "I know," I said. I took his hand and intertwined my hand with his. "Everything will turn out alright, Jesse. Jake just needs some time to get used to everything. And besides, we don't need his approval. It shouldn't really matter what he thinks. We already got my mom and Andy's and your parents'."

He nodded. "I know," he said. "I know it shouldn't matter. But it _does_. He...he's the best friend I've ever had, Susannah." Then he added, "Besides you, of course. But now...you're more than a best friend."

I gave him a comforting smile, and squeezed his hand. Then I stood up on my tippy-toes and kissed him. He gave in the first few minutes, but then he pulled away. I wasn't all that disappointed, though. It was to be expected.

"I'm sorry, _querida_. It just does not feel right, right now."

I nodded. "It's okay. I understand." I gave his hand one last final squeeze and then parted from him. "I think its time I leave."

He nodded his head in agreement. "Come on. I'll drive you home."

- § -

As soon as I got home, I headed for my bedroom. I had to think about what to say to Jake before I did. I had to play my cards right. Because if I didn't, I would never get Jake to understand.

So I sat on my bed, thinking. Should I just go in there and get right to the point? Or should I drag it out as long as possible? Should I explain to him how it all began, from the first time Jesse kissed me on the beach?

I didn't know. Because no matter how long I've lived with Jake, I still don't quite get him. Brad, sure. Idiot, man-whore. Not much going on there. David, smart, cute. Again, there's not much to figure out.

But Jake? He's more complicated than I like to think.

I got up from my bed, ready to go out and talk to Jake. I wasn't really ready. I don't think I would ever be. But it just had to be done.

But right after I stood up, I heard a knock on my door.

The first thought to enter my mind was: Oh, shit, it's Jake. What the hell do I do?

"Come in," I called nervously. But, no. It wasn't Jake. It was Brad.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Of _course_.

"What do you want, Brad?"

He looked taken aback. I guess I couldn't really blame him. My tone was less than friendly. "Jeez. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I said without really thinking. But I felt the need to add to that, since it was a little suspicious. Although, I couldn't help but think that maybe Jake had told Brad what had happened. "It's just...I'm not having a very good day."

He nodded in understanding. "I wouldn't either. I mean, if my brother found me sucking face with his best friend."

My eyes widened in shock. So he _had_ told Brad. Well...hmph.

"God, Suze. I never would have thought. You skeeving around with Jesse?" He shook his head in a disapproving manner.

That got me mad. "I wasn't _skeeving_ around with Jesse, you asshole. And if _that's_ what you're going to tell people in school, then you better think twice. Because if I hear _anything_ like that at all, I'm gonna automatically assume it was you, and you are gonna regret it."

He just rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I was just saying. I mean, I always thought Jesse was the wait-until-marriage kinda guy."

I put two and two together in my head. Oh, God. Is _that_ what he thought? "We aren't having _sex_, you idiot. God, is _that_ what Jake told you? Because, seriously, I need to have a word with him about that, then."

He shrugged. "No need to get worked up. Anyway, I just wanted to know what the history homework was."

By then I was standing near him by the doorway of my room. So I promptly shut the door in his face.

Oh, God. What am I going to _do_?

* * *

**SO sorry for the wait on this. I was having trouble figuring out where to go from where I left off. Plus I've been having exam reviews and the actual exams themselves. WHich, by the way, were very hard. -wrinkles nose-**

**Anyway, please review! They are very welcome.**

**-Nicole**


	13. Fighting in the Courtyard

**I am so sorry for the incredibly long wait for this. I was just trying to get the plot straight with this. I promise I'll try and get the next chapter up sooner. No promises, though. **

* * *

SECRECY

Chapter 13

Just when I think things cannot possibly get worse, they do.

I think I mentioned Paul. Right?

Well, anyway, if I didn't, he's this guy that I think really likes me. I mean, he never leaves me alone. And he's always...looking at me. Which, you know, is kind of freaky.

And, well, I wasn't really sure before if he liked Jesse or not, but now I'm positive. And another thing I'm positive about? Jesse HATES Paul. With a passion. I really don't think I've ever seen Jesse hate someone before. Seriously. He's not that kinda guy. But I guess Paul just rubs people the wrong way...Jesse included.

I guess it started when we went to school the following Monday. Jesse was still a little upset with what happened with Jake. I _tried_ talking to Jake after I talked to Brad, but he just would not listen. He...oh, my God. He actually shut the door right in my face and locked it. I mean...the NERVE. Can't he just let me explain?

Apparently not.

Well, I guess I can't really blame him TOO much. I mean, yeah, we were technically sneaking behind his back for two months. That's a little...wrong.

I give up. I really do.

But anyway, back to school. Jesse was going to drive me to school, even though I have my own car. But he had to drive his sisters into school, since Marta was "sick", and couldn't do it—I think it's the fact that I saw a hickey on her neck when I went over there last night.

I'll never understand her. Really.

So we saw each other when we got to school. But we soon had to go to home room.

Jesse sat with us when lunch came around, since he thought it wise not to sit at the same table as Jake that day. CeeCee and Adam were okay with it—Cee actually looked a little overjoyed at the prospect of Jesse sitting with us.

Well, okay. I wasn't the only person that noticed how hot Jesse really was.

Jesse smiled at me as he took his place next to me. "I hope you don't mind," he said to CeeCee and Adam, to which CeeCee just shook her head and smiled.

Adam said, "It's nice to have some more testosterone at this table."

CeeCee and I just looked at each other. Then she said, "Was there even any to begin with?" which just had me and her cracking up.

That's the thing, me and her are always making fun of Adam, but you can tell he enjoys it, even when he makes those annoyed faces.

Everything was going great, actually. We were just eating lunch and talking.

But then Paul had to come over to our table. I guess I should have expected it, since he's been laying off me for a while. But, you know, I was hoping he would just leave me alone altogether.

I guess not.

"Suze, long time no see." He had a smirk on his face, like every other time I've seen him.

Inwardly I groaned. "What, Paul?"

He mocked hurt. "What, you aren't happy to see me?"

"Paul, really. What do you want? Can't you see I'm eating?"

He looked down at my food—an Andy-made sandwich—and then he looked at Jesse, who was trying really hard to stay out of it. But I could already tell then that Paul was pissing him off.

"Of course," Paul said. "Well, I just was hoping I could talk to you for a moment. I swear I'll leave you alone afterwards."

I narrowed my eyes at him, then saw that he wasn't smirking anymore. "Okay," I said. "Five minutes." To Jesse I added, "I'll be right back," but he didn't respond.

He nodded and led me away from everyone. When he didn't speak for at least a minute, I said, "What, Paul? What is it you wanted to talk about?"

He snapped his attention back to me. "So I take it you're going out with de Silva," was what he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. So? Paul, look, I don't like you, okay? I...I'm with Jesse, so please don't bother me anymore. Alright?"

Paul wasn't looking at me when I said it. He was looking right at Jesse, who was staring straight back at him. Jesse looked pissed off. _Beyond_ pissed, if that was even possible.

"Paul?"

Even if I had seen what was coming, I couldn't have prevented it. It happened right before my eyes, and so fast that it didn't even seem possible.

In less than five seconds, Jesse was beside me, glaring at Paul.

"Is he bothering you, Susannah?" he asked, his voice full of loathing and malice. Wow, he was _really_ mad.

I looked at Jesse in shock. "What? Jesse, no, he's not. Come on, just go back to the table. I'll be right there."

Paul had a smirk on his face, just like always. But instead of mocking me, it was Jesse who he was mocking. And I could tell Jesse did not like it one bit.

"Yes, _Jesse_, why don't you go back to your little lunch table and leave Suze and me alone?"

I saw the punch coming even before Jesse lifted his arm up. There's not much I could have really done, anyway.

And for some reason, I didn't even flinch when I heard the sickening crunch of Jesse's fist colliding with Paul's nose. It...well, it made me feel kinda good, actually.

Okay, that sounds mean, but seriously. Paul is just that kinda guy. He _lives_ to piss you off. I mean, he's got Kelly Prescott, the most popular girl in school, so what's he need me for?

"You—you broke my nose! Fuck!"

Paul's nose was gushing blood by then. He was holding his nose with both of his hands, the smirk on his face no longer evident.

"I'll break more than that if you don't leave her alone," growled Jesse. He was about to lunge at Paul, but I grabbed his arm just in time.

"Jesse, no! Okay? Just...stop. Stop, please."

By now we had attracted the attention of every person in the courtyard. Including, unfortunately, the novices.

And Sister Ernestine.

Fuck.

But Jesse and Paul seemed oblivious to that fact. Jesse was yelling at Paul, cursing at him in Spanish. Paul, clearly understanding the foreign language spilling from Jesse's lips, scowled.

I was just glad that they hadn't gotten into a full-blown fist-fight.

"Oh, I'll get her, _Jesse_. You just wait."

Okay, I shouldn't have said that before. Because, now?

Yeah, Jesse was on top of Jesse, landing another punch to his face. Paul then kneed Jesse in the stomach and wriggled out from underneath him.

I could tell all ready that this would be the talk among the JSMA for a while.

Oh God.

The fight was getting even more intense as the minutes wore on. I mean, I _tried_ breaking them up, but what the hell else could I do? They weren't listening to me. And when I tried to pull Jesse off Paul, he just shrugged out of my grip and punched Paul in the face again.

Finally one of the novices decided to come over.

"Children!" she yelled. "Stop this at once! You two are—"

But that was when Father Dominic came out and saw what was going on. "Paul! Jesse! I insist you stop this at once! You two will be suspended for such acts on school grounds!"

But they still didn't listen. "Jesse come ON. Just stop it, okay? Please—"

"Need a little help?"

I looked to my left and there was...my dad. He was...he was here. I sighed gratefully and nodded. My dad walked over and grabbed the back of Jesse's shirt, pulling him off of Paul. Jesse, a little shocked, looked over at my father.

Father Dominic was looking at my dad, too. Then he looked at me, and then back at my father. It seemed to dawn on him who this actually was.

But then...I saw Paul looking at my dad, too.

No. It can't be—can it? He can't be...a mediator, too? Can he?

That would just be too weird. TOO weird.

I shook my head and went over to Jesse. I put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him, hard. "What the hell were you thinking? God, I—" I shook my head and dropped my hand from his shoulder. "Never mind."

He looked down at me sadly. "I'm sorry, Susannah. I don't know what—"

"Susannah, I would like to see you in my office," came the voice of Father Dominic. "After Jesse and Paul get cleaned up they will be accompanying us," he added when he noticed the look of shock I gave him.

I nodded and followed Father Dominic to his office, but not before giving my dad a farewell glance. Father Dom shut the door behind us when we entered the office.

"Would you mind telling me what that was all about, Susannah?" he asked. His tone was light, but it held a certain hardness.

I sighed. "I'm...not quite sure myself, Father Dominic. I mean, one minute I'm talking to Paul, and the next Jesse's punching him in the face."

He nodded. Then he said, "And did Paul do anything to provoke such actions from Jesse?"

"Oh yeah," I said. "Paul was definitely antagonizing him. But Jesse shouldn't have gone off like that. I mean, I can kinda understand, since he's been under a lot of stress recently, but he knows better."

"Stress?" questioned Father Dom. "What kind of stress?"

"It's...not really my place to say anything."

Father D. nodded in understanding. "I see," he said. "Well, obviously there has to be some punishments here, for both parties."

I nodded. "I know."

But it wasn't right for Jesse to be punished just because he was trying to defend me. Albeit, I didn't really want the defense, but still.

Then again...what could _I_ do? Practically the whole school saw the fight, so its not as if I could just say they were imagining the whole thing.

I mean, Father Dom is a cool guy and everything, but he couldn't get by not punishing Paul and Jesse, could he? Or, at least just Jesse? The novices would be outraged, including—but not limited to—Sister Ernestine.

Oh, goodness.

- § -

I was really surprised to hear afterwards that Jesse and Paul were completely civil in the nurse's office, when she was cleaning up their faces. Paul's face had the most damage—broken nose and all that—while Jesse only had a few cuts here and there.

Another thing I was surprised to hear?

Paul and Jesse got off. Meaning, they didn't get any punishments.

Well, okay, that may be a little false. They _did_ get punishments, just not as bad as I thought it would be.

Father Dominic talked with Sister Ernestine, and they came up with a solution. Jesse and Paul would help set up for the Father Juniperro Serra Feast JSMA was holding this weekend.

The only catch?

I had to come. I mean, I couldn't leave Jesse and Paul _alone_ there, could I? They'd kill each other!

And I seriously did not want a murder on my hands.

God. All of this commotion was almost enough to make me forget about what happened with Paul earlier.

No, not the fight.

The whole...me seeing him looking at a ghost thing. Without me knowing that he could actually see the ghost.

I had to talk to him. Seriously. I had to talk to Paul. I needed to know if he was a mediator, or if I was just imagining things.

But how could I talk to him alone? Now that I know Jesse fully hates the guy, its not like I could do it with Jesse around (meaning, at school). And I didn't know where he lived.

Ugh. Why must my life be so complicated?

Well, anyway, after school I went over to Jesse's house to talk to him. I didn't really get a chance to talk to him alone after everything happened. When I got there, I went up the front walk and rang the doorbell. Jesse's sister Mercedes answered the door.

"Hi, Suze!" she said brightly, ushering me inside.

I smiled kindly at her. "Hello, Mercedes. Is, uh, Jesse here? I kind of need to talk to him."

She cocked her head toward the stairs. "He's in his room."

I nodded and then started walking toward the stairs. I walked up them and to Jesse's room. I knocked on his door, but no one answered. So I knocked again. And again there was no reply.

"Jesse? Jesse, it's me." He still didn't answer.

So I just went in. I mean, maybe there was something wrong with him. Maybe he tripped and hit his head on something, which knocked him unconscious.

Hm, now that I think about it, only I would do that.

Nope, he was in good health (besides the few cuts on his face) when I went in his room. He was just lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn't even look at me when I entered the room.

I walked over to his bed and sat down next to him. But, for some reason, I needed to be closer to him. So I laid down next to him and lay my head on his chest. Immediately Jesse's arms came around me, pulling me into him even more. I smiled a little to myself and tried to relax.

After a few comforting moments of that I decided to actually do what I came here to do.

"Jesse?" I said, lifting my head off his chest.

His arm loosened around me as I sat up a little. "Hmm?"

I looked at his face. He was still looking up at the ceiling. But as if he could feel my gaze on him, he turned his head to look at me. "What is it, _querida_?"

I smiled a little. But then I remembered what I needed to talk to him about. "I...we need to talk about what happened today."

Jesse groaned and looked back up at the ceiling. "Must we? I really don't feel like it."

I exhaled and sat up. "I didn't think you would. But...I just want you to know that I can take care of myself. Paul...he wasn't doing anything. I was handling the situation very well—"

Jesse snapped his head back to facing me. "But what you neglected to notice was the way he was looking at you. Susannah, you are my girlfriend. I have a _right_ to be jealous when another man looks at you that way."

"Huh? What way? What the hell are you talking about?" I was confused. I mean, Jesse was _jealous_? And of _Paul_?

Again, Jesse groaned. "I really am not in the mood to discuss this, Susannah. I would rather just forget about it."

I was about to protest, but I saw the look on Jesse's face. He was angry, and I really didn't feel like pissing him off even more right now.

But then another thought crossed my mind, and I just had to voice it.

"Okay, fine," I said in defeat. "But there's something I need to tell you. Paul...I think he's a mediator, Jesse."

Jesse eyes widened considerably. "Susannah, surely you don't think—"

I nodded. "When my dad pulled you off of Paul, I saw him looking at my dad. There was no one near my dad besides you and me, and he wasn't looking at either of us."

Jesse just shook his head. "Susannah, this is crazy. How could he—"

"I don't know, Jesse. But is it any crazier than me or you, or Marta or Father Dominic being one?"

He sighed heavily. "I don't know."

I sighed, too. "I have to talk to him, Jesse. Just...promise me if you see me talking to him you won't go ballistic, okay?"

"Susannah, he is—"

"_Promise_ me, Jesse. I will only be talking to him. That's all."

Jesse sighed again. "Fine. Fine, I...I promise."

I smiled and leaned down to kiss him. "Good."


	14. Encounters Of The Slater Kind

****

SECRECY

Chapter 14

But, as it turns out, I didn't even have to go to him. He came to me.

Not that I'm bragging about it, or anything.

It was after school the next day. I was, apparently, the only one home. Mom and Andy were both working, Jake and Brad went to the beach to—what else?—surf, and David was over some person's house, doing a project—actually, I think it was a girl's house (Shannon, I think the name was).

So, yeah, I was alone. Now, normally this would be the perfect opportunity to have Jesse over, but, of course, he was working.

When the doorbell rang, I didn't even think anything of it. _Probably one of the neighbors, or something_, I thought.

But when I went to answer it and opened the door, I soon found out that it was not one of the neighbors.

It was Paul Slater.

How wonderful.

I shut the door right in his face, but he stuck his foot out, stopping the door from completely closing.

"What?" I said, opening the door again. I completely forgot about being nice enough to ask him about the whole ghost fiasco. "Haven't you already done enough?"

He smirked. I noticed that he had a little swelling on his right eye, and a little bruising. "Not really." His voice was all nasally, most likely a side-affect of having his nose broken.

"Then what," I said, losing my temper, "do you want?"

He stepped a little closer to the door, silently telling me that he wanted to come. Well, no. That was not happening. Not a chance.

"I think we need to have a little chat, Suze," came his cool, nasally voice.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, I think we've done enough chatting for a lifetime, Paul. But thanks for the offer." And I was about to shut the door again.

But he put his hand on the door, predicting my moves. "_Not_ about that, Suze. Its about...something else."

And, just like that, I remembered what I saw him looking at yesterday. My father—my _dead_ father.

I think he noticed the sudden comprehension on my part, since he said, "Ah. I thought so."

I blinked. "Thought what?"

He completely ignored me. "May I come in? I think we should sit down and talk about this."

I gripped the doorhandle hard. "No, you may not come in. We can sit down out here and talk about it."

He looked at the wicker chairs on the front porch and shrugged. "Alright."

Actually, I was hoping he would insist on coming in and I could just shut the door in his face and not have to worry about it any longer. But then I guess that wouldn't help me with finding out if Paul is a mediator or not.

As he started to walk over to the chairs, I groaned. What am I getting myself into here?

I closed the door behind me, first making sure the door wasn't locked. Then I went over and sat myself down in the chair farthest away from him, which, mind you, wasn't even that far away.

Paul just looked at me for a few moments with a smirk on his face. Or, as much of a smirk as he could manage with his nose being broken.

It was really pissing me off, so I just went, "What?" in a really rude voice.

"Nothing," he said, his smirk, if possible, widening.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Well, what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I think you know, Suze. You just don't want to be the first to admit it."

I blinked. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You are a shifter, Suze. Plain and clear."

I blinked again. "A what?" I finally managed.

"A shifter." Noticing that I was still not comprehending what he was saying, he added, "Or, as I think you call it, a mediator. But you aren't a mediator, Suze. You're a shifter."

Yet again, I blinked. "And there's a difference...?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, there is a difference. A mere mediator can only see and speak to the dead. A shifter can do far more than that."

"Like...?"

"Come over my house tomorrow and I'll show you."

Outraged, I said, "No! You think I'm that stupid? Just because we now have something in common does not mean I'm going to suddenly want to go out with you!"

"Okay, okay," he said. "Point taken. But I was serious about the whole shifter thing. We can shift to different planes of existence, move through time, and move things with your mind. There's a lot more, too."

I think this whole blinking thing is becoming a habit. "Okay, Paul. Seriously, its not funny. So you can stop joking now."

"Suze, I'm not joking. I am totally serious here."

I still didn't believe him. I mean, moving through time? Impossible! "Prove it to me, then."

He groaned. "What is it with you women?" Noticing my not so nice expression, he said, "Fine."

And before I could protest, I noticed the magazine on the little wicker table in front of me start floating. I swear, I almost screamed.

I quickly looked at Paul and he was looking at the magazine. It looked like...oh my God.

He was doing it. But...how?

Then, suddenly, the magazine just flopped back down on the table. Paul looked back at me, all the while smirking. "Now do you believe me?"

"I...think so. I mean, at least about the moving things with your mind part."

"Good," he said. "Because there's a lot more that I can teach you."

"Wait...how do you know that I'm a shifter, as you say, and not just a mediator. How can you tell?"

"I figured you'd ask that. I can't really explain it, I just know. I guess you could say it's a shifter's intuition."

I cracked a smile. "What, like a woman's intuition?"

He smiled a little, too. "Something like that."

Then I remembered the other mediators in my life. Jesse, Father Dom, Marta...

"You know," I said, "it's not just me. There are more of us."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know. The priest."

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. "Um, not just Father Dominic...Jesse is one, too. And so is his sister."

"Wait, what?" He sat up straighter in his chair. "De Silva has a sister?"

"Actually, he's got five. And yes, he's a mediator and so is his sister."

Paul was silenced for a few minutes. Then he just smacked himself in the forehead. "Of course! That's how the ghost pulled him off of me! I can't believe I didn't make the connection before." He stopped and looked at me. "Wait, which one of his sisters is a mediator?"

I hesitated. Should I really be telling him this? Ah, well. "The oldest one. She's two years younger than Jesse is."

"And her name?"

Again, I hesitated. What if he starts harassing her? "I really don't think that's a vital piece of information..."

"Suze, its just a name. What, you think I'm gonna go after her?" He leaned in closer. "You're the only girl for me, Suze."

Oh, great. Now I'll never get rid of him.

I sat back in my chair. "Okay. I think we're done here, Paul."

Slowly, he sat back in his chair. "Come on, tell me her name."

I groaned. "Fine, her name is Marta, all right? Now can you leave? I have better things to do."

And, surprisingly, he got up and left. Well, not before saying, "You'll come to me eventually, Suze. I know you will."

Ugh. Why must my life be so complicated?

* * *

**I admit, this chapter wasn't really that exciting, or long, for that matter. But, well, bear with me here. I promise I'll try and make the next chapter a little more exciting. So...review, please.**


	15. Blondie

**Okay, so it's been almost five years since I last updated. The only excuse I have is that I just wasn't into writing. But I've been thinking lately about all my stories that aren't finished and I definitely want to tie up all those loose ends. So I'm going to work on my stories one by one until they're finished.**

**Anywho, here's the next chapter. It's a bit short, I apologize. I'm trying to get back into the writing groove, so hopefully the next chapter will be longer! Please remember to review (even though I don't deserve it)!**

Chapter 15

Okay, I admit it. I was intrigued by what Paul had said and showed me. Moving things with my mind? Moving through time? It seemed ludicrous, but I had seen that magazine levitate with my own eyes. And magazines don't just levitate themselves, you know.

I knew Paul was telling the truth, and maybe that's what scared me the most. I didn't like the guy one bit. He was an arrogant asshole who only thought of himself and what he could gain. I knew he'd be getting something in return if I agreed to let him teach me all that shifter stuff. But besides my company, I couldn't figure out what it was.

Sighing, I rolled over onto my back. I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was how drastically my life had changed in the past few months. First Jesse coming back, then us dating and that whole ridiculous secrecy thing, and now this shifter mumbo-jumbo with Paul?

I didn't want to be one-on-one with Paul. Ever. Okay, so he was easy on the eyes, but I already had a great-looking guy. I didn't need another one, especially such a self-centered asshat like Paul.

Jesse shifted beside me on my bed. I had had my head rested against his chest and my body curved against his side before I rolled over onto my back.

Mom and Andy were away again this weekend. It was odd, since they usually only went out for a date once every weekend, but they never went away the whole weekend, and especially so often. If I didn't enjoy the freedom so much (i.e. having Jesse sleep over without worrying about my mom or Andy walking in), I would have asked what was up.

Seeming to feel my absence, Jesse shifted again and then opened his eyes. He blinked, then turned and looked at me, his brow furrowing in concern when he noticed I was wide awake.

"Susannah?" His voice was gravelly from sleep. "Are you alright?"

The moonlight was shining through the bay windows in my room, so we were able to see each other in the dark room. Meeting his eyes, I said, "Yes, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Is it Jake?" he asked, a tinge of guilt seeping into his voice. He was still upset over the way Jake reacted to finding out about Jesse's and my relationship.

I shook my head. "No, Jake will come around soon. Plus, I'm pretty sure he's got something going on with Gina, so if you ask me he's being a little hypocritical."

I had overheard – okay, I was eavesdropping – Jake on the phone with Gina the other day. He didn't say anything especially incriminating, but I had a feeling. If Jesse and I hadn't been, well, sneaking around, then I might not have picked up on it.

Slipping his arm around my waist, Jesse pulled me closer to him. "I don't like you being so far away from me," he murmured.

A smile crept onto my face. "Jesse, I was like a foot away from you."

"Exactly." The word was uttered against my lips as he kissed me lightly. It was an innocent close-mouthed kiss, but it had me feeling things that were still a bit foreign to me. Okay, so then maybe innocent wasn't the correct word. I don't think any kisses between Jesse and I could be considered innocent, by any means.

Jesse pulled back before the kiss could get any deeper, before we both had the chance to lose control. Jesse was all about control, and I respected him for it, because I barely had an ounce of it. He seemed to really want to wait for us to have sex, and considering we'd only been dating for a few months, that was reasonable to me. However, it didn't mean I agreed with him, exactly. But if he wanted to be Mr. Morality, then I wasn't going to stop him. I knew I was ready for him, but I'd wait until he felt it was right for us to make our relationship more physical.

"Tell me what's wrong, _querida_," he said softly. We were both lying on our sides at this point, facing each other. We were so close that my breasts were brushing against his chest and our hair was mingling on the pillows. His large hand was splayed across my lower back, and my hand was resting lightly on his bicep.

Sighing, I closed my eyes. I didn't know what to tell him, mostly because I was enjoying the moment and I didn't want him to get mad at me.

"Susannah?" he questioned, and I knew I had hesitated too long.

I didn't want to start with 'Don't get mad,' because that only tells him I have something for him to be mad about. But I also didn't want to start off with Paul's name…. There was no good way to tell him this.

I opened my eyes. "You're not going to like this," I said instead. Starting with this showed that I knew he…well, that he wasn't going to like it.

Jesse stiffened. (No, not _that_ kind of stiffen.) He didn't say anything, so I could only assume that meant he wanted me to continue.

"I talked to Paul, Jesse. I know you don't like it, but it happened." He was just looking at me and not saying anything. I could tell he was mad, but what could I do? He was the one who asked. He was pretty good at catching me in a lie, and it would be a little suspicious if I just didn't answer him.

His hand came away from my back, and I felt the loss of its heat immensely. Feeling dumb, I removed my hand from his arm. If he didn't want to touch me, then that probably meant he didn't want me to touch him.

"What happened, Susannah?" he asked. It almost sounded like he said this through gritted teeth.

And then I realized he thought something had happened between Paul and me…something physical.

My eyes widening, I went to rush to deny it, but then I stopped myself in time. And then I almost started crying, because it was like Jesse didn't trust me at all, if he thought something had happened between Paul and me.

Willing the tears to stay unformed, I said a little tersely, "Not what you have obviously come to conclude."

Jesse's body seemed to lose some of its rigidity. "_Querida_, I'm sorry, I – "

"You don't trust me, is that it?" Then it was as if a lightbulb clicked on above my head. "Oh my God. It's not just Paul you don't trust, it's me too. You don't trust me to be around him, do you? Not just because you think he'd make a move on me… but that you think I'd let him."

I scrambled off the bed, because I could hear the ring of truth to my words. They only became truer when I saw the look on Jesse's face. It was guilt and shame.

"Susannah," he pleaded, walking around the bed to come over to me.

I shook my head and said raggedly, "No. If you can't trust me, then what's the point in us being together? There's no love without trust. And you obviously lied to me when you said you loved me, because it's clear to me now that you don't trust me to be around another guy without cheating on you."

"Susannah," he said again, reaching out to grab my hand. I yanked it out of his reach and took a step back.

"Please leave, Jesse. I don't want to deal with this right now." I crossed my arms over my chest – universal body language for _go away_.

"_Querida,_ please listen to me –"

I set my jaw stubbornly. "Don't _querida_ me right now, Jesse. I want you to leave. You can come back when you can prove that I'm worth you trust."

He opened his mouth to protest again, but then closed it. He met my eyes for a few more moments, and then he turned, grabbed his stuff, and left my room almost soundlessly.

I hoped like hell that wasn't the last time I saw him.

Sighing, I uncrossed my arms and sat down on my windowseat. So much for getting any sleep tonight.

And, as if the night couldn't go any worse, a ghost popped into my bedroom, bawling her otherworldly eyes out.

_Swell_.

She looked about my age, with long glossy blonde hair and blue eyes. She was maybe 5'4" and thin. Of course she was busty and hippy (not like groovy maaaaan, but like she could easily give birth to a large turkey), and it looked great on her.

When she finally stopped crying, I took the opportunity to snap, "_What?_" Okay, so I wasn't in the best mood. So sue me.

She looked startled, but then she said, "You can see me?"

If I had a penny for every time I've heard that, I could send Kelly Prescott on a one-way trip to the moon. Hell, I could even send her slutty friend Debbie up there in her own separate shuttle.

"Yes, I can see you," I said on a sigh. "Tell me how you died and what I can do to help you so we can both get on with our lives. Well, in your case your afterlife."

"What do you mean? Why can't anyone else see me? I just woke up one day and no one could see me and it made me really upset and so I started to cry and –"

Seeing the longwinded monologue coming, I cut in with, "You're dead. That's why no one else can see you."

She blinked, then she burst into tears again.

I rolled my eyes to the heavens, then sighed for the millionth time that night. I got up and went over to the girl. She didn't even notice. So I slapped her.

That seemed to knock some sense into her. "Owwwww!" she wailed. "What'd you do _that_ for?"

"Snap out of it, blondie. Can't you see it's the middle of the night? I'd like to get on with my sleepless night, if you don't mind."

She dropped the hand she had held to her nonexistent stinging cheek. Ghosts remembered pain from when they were alive, so when they got "hurt" as a ghost, they reacted like they would have if they were still alive. It took them a while to realize they were actually dead and, technically, couldn't even feel anymore.

"I'm really dead?" she said in a small voice.

I nodded. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm a little grouchy. What is your name?"

"Felicia Holden," she said on a hiccup. "Oops," she said, followed by a giggle. Well, I could tell this woman was either bipolar or crazy. Or both, I suppose.

"Felicia, do you remember how you died?" I asked as patiently as I could.

She shook her head.

"Okay, well, what's the last thing you remember when you were alive?"

Then she burst into tears again. "He was here!" she cried. And then she was gone.

Blinking at the spot she was last standing in, I said to myself, "Whatever that means." At least she was gone. I'd have to do a little research on this girl and find out how she died before she popped in again. Armed with information, I might be able to make her cross over.

I sat back down on the window seat, leaning my head back against the wall, and I stared out at the moonlit landscape. I had the prettiest view in the house, but right then I couldn't even appreciate it. My mind was in chaos, thinking about Jesse and what had just happened between us.

Was I too harsh on him? I should have let him talk. But what could he have possibly said that would have made a difference? I knew without a doubt that I had hit the nail right on the head with him. It hurt so much that he didn't trust me. It's not like I was some random girl he started dating, either. We had known each other since we were kids. I never once doubted the trust between us until tonight. What could I have possibly done to make him not trust me?

So many of these questions and what-ifs were running through my mind. I guess I must have eventually fallen asleep, because I woke up with the sun blinding me and a crick in my neck.


	16. Little Old Lady

**Chapter 16**

"Jeez, Father D," I grumbled when I walked into his office at the ass-crack of dawn. He was seated at his huge mahogany desk, his glasses perched on his nose, his blue eyes sparkling with humor. Of course, he thought it was funny to make me come into school an hour early just so we can talk about mediator stuff.

"How are you this morning, Susannah?" he asked. He asked me this every time he made me come in extremely early.

I shrugged. "Okay, I guess." It wasn't really the truth. I was hurting inside, but the last thing I wanted to do was tell Father Dom that. Then we'd have a long chat about my 'feelings' and I would want to claw my eyes out of their sockets.

He gave me a look that told me he didn't believe me. _Did he know?_ I thought in panic. I mean, Father Dominic was also talking to Jesse about mediator stuff. He knew Jesse and I had been friends, and as the principal, he was privy to the gossip of the nuns, so he probably knew that Jesse and I had been dating. Did he also know we were sort of in limbo, relationship-wise?

He must have, or else Jesse and I would both be in that room together, talking to Father Dom about mediator-related stuff.

Just to be sure… "Is Jesse going to be here this morning?" I asked.

Father Dom said, "No, Susannah. I will see him during lunch today." I could tell by his tone of voice that he knew about Jesse and me, and that was the reason I was seeing him alone this morning.

The week after our fight was extremely awkward, especially in school. I had never dated a guy in school before (actually, I really never dated ever), so I wasn't prepared for the repercussions of a break-up. Well, okay, we weren't broken up, but we weren't really together either.

It seemed like Jesse had really taken what I said to heart (about coming back when he could prove I was worth his trust). He was ignoring me, opting for eating his lunch in the courtyard instead of in the lunchroom with the rest of us.

I admit, I was hoping he'd rush up to me the next day with flowers and chocolate and a whole slew of apologies and reasons we should be together. But that didn't happen. Was he just giving me time? Or was this it between us?

"Susannah?" Father Dom's voice cut into my internal musings.

I blinked. Focusing on his blue eyes, I nodded. "Sorry, Father D. I'm just kinda tired." Which was the truth. I hadn't been getting much sleep lately.

Father Dom gave me a compassionate look before he said, "Have you see any ghosts since we last spoke?"

I nodded. Father Dom and I usually met once a week to discuss mediator issues, more if there was a lot going on. He had had to cancel on me the week before for some important priest stuff he couldn't tell me about, not that I was really interested in the first place.

"This girl named Felicia Holden came to me the weekend before last." I didn't mention that it was right after Jesse and I had had our fight. "I didn't get much out of her, just her name. Before she left, she just said, "He was here!" and poofed."

"And you haven't seen her since?" Father Dominic asked thoughtfully.

Shaking my head, I responded, "Nope."

"Interesting," he said, stroking his chin in thought. I suppressed a smile at the image.

The next twenty minutes went by with Father Dominic telling me about his latest "case," which was a recently dead seventy-something woman, who had accidently left her cat locked in a closet before she had a heart-attack. Apparently her body was lying on the kitchen floor for days before Father Dom called it in. She didn't have any closer relatives to come check up on her every now and then, so no one really knew she was dead. Probably except the poor cat locked in the closet.

Father Dominic asked me if I could go over after school and let the cat out. He gave me a key, of course. Not sure where he got it, but I wasn't up to asking.

Then the rest of our hour session was spent with Father Dominic lecturing me on proper mediating techniques, after I had stupidly let slip that I had slapped Felicia so she would stop crying.

The only time I saw Jesse the rest of that day was in the hallway between classes. He glanced at me once, gave me a sad smile, and then went on his way. So…okay. At least I wasn't totally being ignored. I would just like to know what was going on inside his head. I'd have to talk to him eventually to see where we actually stood as a couple. If we were still even a couple.

Lunch that day started out normal, until I realized that Marta was missing. I asked CeeCee about it, but she just shrugged and said Marta was around somewhere. No one else seemed to know where she was either. I wasn't particularly worried, because I knew Marta could take care of herself. So I shrugged myself and continued my meal. I saw Marta later that day in English class, and she was fine. When I asked her where she had been at lunch, she just shrugged and said, "Around."

After school Marta stopped by my locker. "Can I talk to you real quick?" she asked.

I nodded. I figured this was about Jesse, since Marta hadn't mentioned anything to me about it yet. It wasn't like her, since she was naturally nosy. I had been expecting an interrogation the whole previous week but it never came.

"Sure," I said, shutting my locker door a little more forcefully than I meant to. Marta didn't seem to notice. "What's up?"

"Well," she said, falling into step beside me as we walked in the breezeway. "I wanted to know what happened between you and Jesse. Being the stubborn ass he is, he won't tell me."

I figured as much, but I didn't say so to Marta. Sighing, I admitted, "I'm not even completely sure myself." I shook my head. "All I know is…he doesn't trust me around other guys. It's like he thinks I'm going to throw myself at them or something. I just…I trust him to not be like that with other girls, so why can't he trust me to not be like that with other guys?"

Marta sighed and patted my shoulder sympathetically. "Well, now I understand," she said, almost to herself.

I blinked. "Uh, care to enlighten me? Because I don't."

She turned and focused on me as we walked out the front door of the school. "Suze, it's not my business to say. If he hasn't told you, then there's a reason for it, and I'm definitely not going to get in the way."

"Marta," I protested. "Come on—"

She shook her head. "I can't, Suze. Look, I'll see ya later. My ride is gonna leave without me." And she was gone. Well, not like she dematerialized or anything, but she definitely took off at a run before I could say anything else to her.

Looking around, I realized I didn't have a ride home. I usually got a ride home with Jesse, but not now after our fight. I knew he'd give me a ride if I asked, but I couldn't get up enough nerve to ask (being alone in a car with him for even fifteen minutes was daunting). The week before, I had coerced Dopey into letting me ride to and from school with him. However, today he left early with Doc to run some errands. I hadn't been particularly interested, so I didn't ask for any details of those errands.

I mentally slapped myself. Why hadn't I thought of this when my mother dropped me off early this morning? Probably because it was so damn early that I wasn't functional enough to even think. God, I needed to get my own car. I couldn't always rely on other people to drive me everywhere. I was definitely looking at the used car section of the classifieds when I got home.

Letting out a long-suffering sigh, adjusted the backpack on my shoulders. This was going to be a long walk home. I thanked the heavens that I actually wore sneakers today instead of the new Jimmy Choos I had found on clearance last week. The shoes were kind of a post-argument pick-me-up. My legs looked great in them, but I knew my feet wouldn't after hiking five miles home.

I was maybe about half a mile from the school when I heard someone pull up beside me. I guess part of me instinctively knew who it was, but I still turned cautiously and stared at the BMW idling at the curb.

Inwardly I groaned. Of course. Did he just follow me or something?

He was smirking. I couldn't see his eyes behind his glinting Ray-Bans, but I knew they would be smirking just like his mouth, if eyes could even smirk.

I turned away from him and continued walking up-hill. Man, I was only fifteen minutes into the walk and I was wilting. It was so freaking hot out, and I had forgotten to bring a hair-tie with me today, so the hair at my nape was sticking to my neck from the sweat. I knew there was sweat beading my brow, as well. God, I was so out of shape.

Paul crept the car along the curb as I walked. This went on for about five minutes until he said, "I could do this all day, Suzie Q. Now are you going to hike the rest of the way home, or let me drive you there?"

I spun around in agitation, mostly at being called Suzie Q. "Oh yeah? And what do you get, Paul? I know you aren't offering out of the goodness of your heart."

He held a hand up to the heart in question, as if I wounded it. "That hurts," he said dramatically. The sun glinted off his perfect teeth as he grinned. "Okay, you got me. I drive you home, you agree to one shifter lesson with me."

I snorted in derision. "I knew it," I mumbled. "Nice one, Paul, but I'd rather walk home."

Paul chuckled. "Aww, come on Suze. Besides, word has it you're in the market for a new man. What, de Silva couldn't handle you? I always knew he was too uptight for such a free spirit like you."

He hit a nerve, and the worst part was that he knew it. What he said should've made me want to punch him and run the hell home so I could get away from him. But somehow his words did the exact opposite. The only thing I could think was, _Fine, if Jesse won't trust me with another guy, then what the hell is the harm in going with Paul?_ What I should have been thinking was, _Going with Paul would only makes things worse between Jesse and me._

But when you're angry with someone, no matter how reasonable or unreasonable the anger is, you just don't think rationally.

And I was definitely thinking irrationally when I climbed into the passenger seat of Paul's Beemer and said, "Fine, but one shifter lesson and no touching."

Paul grinned and gunned the engine.

It was after we passed through the first light that I remembered the dead old woman and her cat locked in the closet. I relayed this to Paul, and he glanced at the directions that Father Dominic had given me to get to her house. It only took about two more minutes to actually get to this woman's house.

The first thing about her house that I noticed was the proximity of the other houses around it – the other houses were pretty far away. Like someone could scream bloody murder outside the house and the neighbor's most likely would not hear it.

The next thing I noticed was the landscaping. Or lack thereof. It was clear no one had been there in a good long while to trim the bushes and mow the lawn. The lawn was starting to brown from the lack of water and attention, but it also faintly resembled a jungle, and I was half-expecting to see a large crouching cat in the brush.

Instead I found a small starving cat in the kitchen closet. This poor thing yowled at me for two straight minutes before I could find the bag of cat food on top of the refrigerator. I was thinking, _Strange spot for cat food_, but then I shrugged. The lady was probably really eccentric and had a perfectly good reason for keeping the cat food on top of the fridge. As I looked around, I realized this was probably because the cat couldn't get up there to have a midnight snack. For some reason, the fridge was totally detached from the rest of the kitchen, not near any counters or shelves.

Paul had come in with me, but he was just sitting on the kitchen counter with a bemused smile on his face. I rolled my eyes at him, put the cat food in my backpack along with the cat, who was so happy at being fed that he didn't mind being put in another small dark space. Apparently I was its new best friend. Damn, I really didn't want or need a cat, but what was I supposed to do with it? I couldn't leave it here. I would have to hit up the shelter on Saturday morning, but that was five days away.

I slipped my arms through the backpack straps and let them settle on my shoulders. I picked the house key off the counter where I had left it, but I was kind of clumsy it and slipped out of my hands and somehow slid under the fridge.

I close my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath. Of course that would happen, and now I had to move the fridge that looked like it had been bought in the 1950s.

Taking the bag off my shoulders and setting it on the table, I glanced at Paul and he came over to help me. Apparently I didn't hide my look of surprise that well because he just said, "You think so highly of me, don't you?"

"What, you can't move this with your mind?" I shot back sarcastically.

He shrugged. "I could, but I'd rather save my energy." He didn't mention what he was saving it for, and I didn't ask.

After we moved the fridge, I understood why it was so detached from the rest of the kitchen. It was because there was a door behind it.

Paul and I glanced at each other. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I exhaled heavily. Now why couldn't this just be a normal cat-snatching mediator mission? Did there _have_ to be a secret door hidden behind an old refrigerator?

The doorway wasn't what you'd call normal. It almost looked as if someone had cut the space out of the wood themselves with, I don't know, a handsaw? Anyway, it was shorter than normal, about five and a half feet instead of the standard seven feet. The door itself looked like an average piece of plywood cut to fit the doorway and some hinges thrown on it. There was a knob on the door, but it was just to be able to pull and push the door, not to latch it into place or lock it.

I was definitely going to have to ask Father Dom tomorrow morning who exactly this woman was and why she had a crudely made door behind her ancient refrigerator.

I guess I was about to find out the latter. _And behind Door #1, ladies and gentlemen…_

The first thing I noticed as Paul and I opened and went through the doorway was the stench. I held the sleeve of my sweater up to my nose to somewhat filter the nasty smells. The strongest smell was decay, but underlying that was the smell of smoke, chemicals, and something else I couldn't quite place.

I had gone first just so Paul wouldn't call me out on being a coward. I was kind of regretting that now, especially because he had a great view of my ass behind me. It had been pitch black when we first opened the door, but I had used the light from my phone to find a light switch. When I flipped it on, I had been surprised at the amount of light that was pouring through the place. If the stairway hadn't curved around a corner, I would be able to clearly see everything that there was to see.

As we descended the stairs and came around the bend, I noticed right away what was decaying. Animals. They were mostly cats, but there were a few dogs, birds, mice, a small alligator, and some other random animals. They were all dead that I could see and they all reeked. Thank God there were no human carcasses.

Aside from the animals, the hidden room in the house was essentially a laboratory, kind of Frankenstein-esque. There were beakers and Erlenmeyer flasks scattered all along the bench top counter, filled with all different colored liquids varying in translucence. My non-scientific background didn't help me much with identifying the liquids, but if I remembered anything from chemistry class, it was Mr. Borden telling us that most chemicals used in a lab setting were not colored, and that people only made them that way to amuse the non-scientists who wanted everything to be pretty and colorful (I guess it was true – life was boring without color, and I suppose the same can be said about chemistry for those who don't enjoy it).

So either the person who owned this lab (I was having a hard time believing this belonged to an old woman who loved her cat enough to find a mediator to let it out) just made his or her liquids colorful for the hell of it, or this wasn't a chemistry lab.

I glanced at Paul as we both came to a halt at the threshold. He looked back at me with an eyebrow cocked. "I wasn't expecting this, but I knew an afternoon with you wouldn't be boring."

For reasons beyond me, I felt my face flame. Paul noticed this and gave me a grin that was blinding even in the artificial light of a musty underground laboratory.

I rolled my eyes and walked ahead of him, glancing around every nook and cranny of the room. I noticed there was another door on the far wall, but I wasn't ready to go through another mystery door yet.

I was thinking about sniffing whatever was in the beakers, but then I decided against it. I didn't want to be inhaling anything harmful. Who knows, maybe I'd start seeing animal ghosts in addition to people ghosts. _That_ would make my life more of a living hell than it already was.

Looking around at the decaying animals, I grimaced. It was disgusting. Who would just kill these animals and leave their carcasses lying around? Some of them were caked with dried blood, and others looked completely whole (well, they would have been whole before they started decaying). It was obvious they had been experimented on – I mean, what other use would they be down here?

I looked around to find Paul, and he was engrossed in a book he found amongst the mess of the counter. He didn't look up as I approached. In fact, he didn't even seem to notice I was there until I asked, "What is it?"

He blinked and looked at me, his blue eyes taking in my curious expression. Snapping the book shut, he said, "Nothing."

_Interesting._ I glanced at his face, which had become expressionless, and then at the book. There was something in that book he didn't want me to see. And considering he was such an asshole, I knew he wasn't trying to protect my feelings or anything. There was something he didn't want me to see, because it wouldn't be to his advantage.

I shrugged and said, "Okay." This surprised him, but not enough to let me see the book. So I stomped on his foot as hard as I could.

The book dropped to the floor as he swore and hopped up and down. I snatched it up and hurried to the other side of the room, looking at the title of the book. The word _maleficiis_ caught my eye. It looked to be in Latin, but I knew pretty much anything with the letters 'mal' together meant BAD. That would have been enough to throw it away, but I still opened it up and looked through it. Everything was in Latin, of course. But as I flipped from page to page, I realized it was kind of in recipe format…

I looked up in shock and my gaze met Paul's icy blue one. "Witchcraft?" I whispered harshly. For some reason, I didn't feel comfortable saying that loudly.

He shrugged. "That's what it looks like."

I blinked, thinking back to my days in New York when I thought I wanted to be a Wiccan. I researched the Wiccan religion and witchcraft heavily, but I never picked it up because it didn't seem like my thing.

Then it finally dawned on me what the animal carcasses were used for. Well, maybe they weren't all for one specific thing. But most of them were probably used as a witch's familiar before being dismembered and disemboweled for spell ingredients.

I glanced again at the door on the far wall and marched forward. The door was unlocked, and I turned the knob and flung it open. Sure enough there were jars filled with liquid and various animal parts and other things I couldn't identify, all on shelves lining the walls of the small room.

I lurched out of the room, feeling sick. The book was still in my hands and I looked down at it in disgust. I dropped it where I was standing, not bearing to touch it any longer.

Then, as I was standing still in that underground room, I got the feeling that we had overstayed our welcome down there, and it was definitely time to leave. Paul seemed to feel this too. Without looking at him, I headed for the stairs and made my way out to his car, grabbing my backpack with the cat and cat food inside. I felt guilty for leaving the poor thing in there so long, but when I opened it up, I noticed the cat was sleeping contentedly.

When Paul emerged, he was holding that God-awful book. I grimaced at him, but he just shrugged and threw it in his trunk. "Could be useful," he just said.

_Useful for what?_ I wondered. _What exactly _was_ this shifter business?_

On the drive to my house, neither of us said a word until he stopped out front. He just said, "I had a great time," and then he leaned over and kissed me, all like we had just gotten back from a date.

I blinked, not comprehending what exactly was happening. For a few beats I just froze, and then I pushed him away. "What the hell, Paul? I said no touching! And kissing definitely qualifies as touching!" I pretty much shrieked.

He just grinned. "That's only at the shifter lessons, Suze. So, Thursday after school? I'll drive."

I narrowed my eyes at him, setting my jaw. "You're an asshole." I grabbed my bag from the back seat and high-tailed it out of his car before he could do anything else.

I walked jerkily up the front steps of my house, fuming over what Paul had just done, and lying to myself that I didn't like it one bit. I was also still thinking about what had happened at that old woman's house, and how I needed to call Father Dominic right away and tell him.

So it was no wonder that I didn't notice Jesse's car in the driveway.

**So...not too bad, right? I'll try to keep updating as regularly as I can. Please review!**


	17. Witchcraft

**Chapter 17**

The only person that was home was Jake. Brad and David were still running errands, and my mom and Andy wouldn't be home until late (Mom had told me when she dropped me off in the morning). So I was little surprised when I heard voices coming from upstairs.

Curious, I walked up the steps and paused at the landing. The voices were coming from Jake's room – they were hushed, so I couldn't tell who was talking. I hurried toward my room, because the furry four-legged creature was beginning to get restless. I really had to let the cat out of the bag (har-har).

I had disregarded the voices as ghosts, thinking I could just ignore them and hoped they went away. I unzipped my bag so the cat could get out. He emerged in a streak of black fur and hid under the bed. I also took the cat food out and set it by the window seat.

I could still hear the hushed voices, so I figured I better investigate. I shut my door after me as I went into the hallway, creeping toward Jake's room. But I came to a screeching halt in the doorway of Jake's bedroom when I noticed the voices were actually coming from Jake and Jesse.

They both turned to look at me simultaneously. Neither of them looked happy, and I could instantly tell they had been arguing about me. Jake's bedroom window overlooked the street, and I winced when I realized Jesse must have seen Paul kiss me. Definitely not what I wanted to deal with right now.

"Hi," I said lamely, unsure of how to proceed.

Jesse said nothing. Jake glanced at him and then at me. He could obviously feel the tension building in the room, because he said, "I'll, uh, just…go."

I stuck my palm out in a halt gesture before he could go anymore. "No. Jesse and I will talk in my room." And then I walked out and into my room before anyone could disagree with me.

It took Jesse about five minutes to arrive in my room. I was beginning to think he'd just left. I stood up when he walked in, shutting the door softly behind him. He walked over to the window seat and sat down. He glanced briefly at the cat food, but thankfully didn't ask anything. I wasn't up to going through the whole ridiculous story with him right then. I sat down beside him, but left a little distance between us.

"I thought a lot about what you said," he said softly. "I actually came over here to apologize and ask your forgiveness."

I almost winced, because I could see where this was going.

He turned to look at me, his chocolate brown eyes meeting mine steadily. "I saw you with him just before… I saw him kiss you."

I nodded. It was true, I couldn't deny it. Not looking away, I replied, "But did you see me push him away?"

He nodded. "Yes. That's why I'm still here right now." He sighed heavily, looking down at his hands as he spoke. "I almost didn't see it. When I saw him kiss you, _Dios_, I was so angry. I turned away immediately to go confront him. But Jake stopped me. He knew you'd push Slater away, and he made me watch that happen. I'm glad he did."

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. "So…what happens now? Are you still angry?"

He let out a sharp burst of laughter, but it wasn't as if something was funny. "Of course I'm still angry, Susannah, but not at you. You're right, I need to trust you. This past week I've thought a lot about it, about my past, about _us_."

He looked up, our gazes meeting and holding. "I realized I was being stupid, _querida_." He scooted a little closer to me and took my hand in his. "I love you, and like you said, there is no love without trust. I know in my heart that I love you, so I know that I trust you."

I smiled at him, my gaze steady on his. "I love you too, Jesse," I replied. It was the complete utter truth; I knew I always would love him. However, I'd recently realized that love, while strong and hopeful, wasn't always enough. It was easy enough to love someone, but to make a relationship successful was hard work. It required trust and honesty, among other things. And while he claimed to trust me, I wasn't sure if he was being completely honest with himself and with me. I also had a few lies up my sleeve; the fact that they were by omission was inconsequential. _And_, I added mentally, _I still have to figure out this mess with Paul._

Jesse's gentle callused fingers caressed my cheek as he said, "You're a beautiful woman, Susannah, and there are always going to be men admiring you. I have to learn to deal with that."

I brought my hand up and settled it softly over his, warm and comforting.

Then I remembered something he had just said. "When you said you were thinking about your past, what exactly did you mean?"

He sighed, his gaze and hand dropping from me. He seemed hesitant to say anything, which only made me want to know even more. Just when he was about to say something, a streak of black flew from under the bed and into Jesse's lap.

_Damn_. I had totally forgotten about the cat.

Jesse stared down at the cat, clearly surprised. The cat blinked its amber-green eyes up at him, all innocent. Jesse lifted his hand and raised it over the cat's head as if to pet it. He paused, and in that instant of hesitation, the cat lifted its head to Jesse's hand and pretty much pet itself.

When Jesse got over his shock at having a cat fly into his lap, he looked at me and shook his head, a smile on his face. He raised an eyebrow in question. _Double damn_, I thought, _why can't I do that?_

And then I told him the whole ridiculous story. Well, leaving out the part where I had agreed to a shifter lesson with Paul. That would just be adding fuel to the fire, and I wanted to keep this fire under control for now.

When I was finished with my story, Jesse didn't look particularly happy. His lips were pressed together in a frown, and he was absently petting the cat while he stared at me.

I knew he was still upset with me being around Paul, his kissing me aside. Jesse might have said he trusted me, and I know he wanted to, but trust wasn't instant. Trust was only good when it trickled slowly, like coffee. Instant coffee was yucky.

His trust issues stemmed from something in his past, and I had to wait until I could figure out what that was and fix it. Besides, I had some thinking to do about the situation with Paul. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, I had liked it when he'd kissed me. It was wrong, it was _so_ wrong on _so_ many levels, but it was there. If I didn't figure out what was going on, like a wound it would fester, and I knew it would ruin what I had with Jesse.

I could see Jesse's desire to curse Paul verbally. But he must have done that enough in his head, because he said to me, "I want you to show me this place."

I blinked. Okay, that was definitely _not_ what I had been expecting. "What?" I blurted.

He lifted the cat up gently and set it beside him on the window seat. He turned to face me, taking my hands in his big warm ones.

"Susannah, I want to see this place," he said earnestly, his eyes alight with what looked like excitement. _Damn_, I thought in surprise, _he was just like Paul._ Then I silently reprimanded myself. Jesse was _nothing_ like Paul.

I bit my lip. "Why?" I asked. Okay, so I could only ask one-word questions. I was just so surprised that he wanted to see this place.

He pursed his lips, and I could practically see him deciding what to tell me. _Trust, my ass_.

Before he could respond, I ripped my hands from his and said coldly, "Forget it. If you're not going to tell me the truth, then it's not worth hearing."

And I stood up to leave. I wasn't sure where I was going, but it had to be away from him. God, men were so _frustrating_.

"Susannah," he said, his hand resting lightly on my shoulder before I could get to my bedroom door. "Forgive me. I'm sorry, I just…"

I didn't turn around. I was so upset, and maybe I was overreacting but I couldn't help myself.

Instead of spinning me around to face him, Jesse walked around me to face me, putting his back to my bedroom door. "_Querida_, look at me," he said softly.

So I did. I don't know, it was something in his voice that had me curious.

"I was going to tell you that I was curious about this place. I did not want to tell you the real reason, because it is obvious you do not like this place. I was afraid if I told you the real reason, it would just push you that much farther away from me. But that was my initial reaction, _querida_, not what I was actually going to do. Okay?"

I searched his face, his eyes, for clues. He was telling the truth. I couldn't fault him anymore for it, because I knew exactly what he was talking about. There were things I didn't want to tell him, for fear he'd run far away from me.

He took my hand in his tentatively. "Can we sit back down, please?"

I nodded, and he guided me back over to the window seat. He sat down first, and before I could sit down beside him, he yanked me into his lap. I was slightly surprised, but then I eased back into him as he put his arms around me.

Jesse intertwined his fingers with mine, making the connection between us stronger. He took a deep breath before he spoke, as if grounding himself. "Have you heard of my cousin Maria?"

I nodded. "Marta mentioned her once, but she didn't say much. I got the impression she wasn't liked."

I twisted myself in his lap so I could see his face as he spoke. "Your impression is correct." He tightened his hold on me, almost unconsciously. A look of disgust passed over his face so briefly that I thought I might have imagined it. "Maria is my second cousin. Her parents are, shall we say, very old-fashioned. They wanted me to marry her when we were both of age."

I started, practically jumping out of his lap. If not for Jesse's arms around me, I probably would have fallen on my ass on the floor. "What?" I exclaimed. "Is that even legal?"

He grimaced, almost as if the thought of marrying Maria was painful. Well, she _was_ his cousin. "Yes, it is. Barely." He shook his head. "My parents, of course, refused. I knew Maria didn't want anything to do with me, just as I had wanted nothing to do with her. We didn't get along, even as children. A marriage would have been disastrous."

Jesse sighed, leaning back against the window. "It didn't matter what we felt for each other. Maria thought I would have accepted what her parents were offering, so she was offended when I refused. I guess she wanted the chance to reject me, but I beat her to the punch. At least that's how she saw it."

I snorted. "Let me guess. She's beautiful and knows it. She's always gotten everything she's ever wanted, courtesy of her parents, and she throws a fit when she doesn't get what she wants."

Jesse chuckled softly, a light relief that I was taking this so well. "Yes to all of the above."

_God, I hate this woman and I haven't even met her._ Not that I wanted to ever meet her. She sounded like a hag.

Sensing more to the story, I relaxed a little in Jesse's arms and let him continue. "Maria is a year younger than me," he continued. "Of course, she looks much older and she acts like she's five. Last year, when she turned sixteen, she ran away with a man she met. Someone named Felix Diego. He's much older than her – I think he's 25. I doubt he realizes she's only sixteen, but if he did I wouldn't be surprised. Some men have no honor or boundaries."

"So she's still gone?" I asked. Okay, so I had a tinge of hope in my voice. I hoped that bitch would _stay_ gone.

He nodded. "She's still alive. She writes her parents every now and then. Of course, it's just to get them to wire her money, which they do immediately."

Remembering why he had started this story in the first place, I asked tentatively, "What does Maria have to do with that witch-y room?"

He sighed, shaking his head slightly. "Ever since she ran away with Diego, it's been believed that she turned to witchcraft. Not the light, mostly harmless witchcraft of mainstream society. The witchcraft she's dealing in is dark. I have to see if that room was hers. Or still is hers."

"You believe she's been practicing dark witchcraft." It wasn't really a question. I could tell Maria had done something to Jesse with her new-found hobby. And I wanted to beat her head in the ground for it. I wanted to ask him what it was, but seeing the deep hurt lingering in the depth of his eyes, I didn't press it. He would tell me when he was ready. I just had to be patient and wait. Definitely not one of my strong suits.

"Yes," he said. "I believe Diego is the one who started her on it. He's the real threat with it, but I know he's been indulging her, letting her twist her own curses to keep her happy. Maria has always been unhappy – it was really only the misery of others that kept her going."

Damn, she must be really bad if Jesse was saying something like that.

Then a thought popped into my head, one I didn't really want to voice, but I figured I had to get it out there. "Jesse," I said tentatively.

He met my eyes and seeing I had something pretty significant to say, his gaze sharpened. "What is it?" he asked, his voice harsh. I could tell it was from the emotions swirling through him, not directed at me.

"Do you think… I mean, could she have…done something to that poor old woman? You know, to use her house as a lab?"

He blinked, then he clenched his jaw. "It's possible," he said, but what I heard was, "Most likely."

"We have to stop them, Jesse, before they hurt anyone else." My voice was soft, but judging by the hurt that reappeared in his eyes, it would have seemed like I said something really mean.

"I know," he said, his voice tinged with guilt. "I should have stopped them when I first found out. I guess I just didn't realize how bad they could be. I thought Maria was just filling her fancy, and this guy Diego was just throwing unrealistic things at her to keep her happy."

"It's okay," I said soothingly, sliding my hand up his arm to his shoulder and squeezing lightly. "We'll get them, okay? I'll go over with you tomorrow after school."

He shook his head, almost violently. "No," he said roughly. "Susannah, you are not coming with me. I can't risk you getting hurt, because I was an idiot and didn't stop them when I had the chance."

His words were so harsh and filled with self-recrimination that I shrunk back, almost falling off his lap and onto the rug. It was borderline self-hatred. _Oh, my God, what _happened _to him?_ I wondered.

And then I realized this was what was causing him so much pain, what was causing so many problems in our relationship. Maria had done something horrible to someone close to him, and he couldn't stop it.

The sudden realization made me hate Maria more than ever. I didn't think it was possible to hate someone so much without even meeting them. The hurt she'd caused Jesse was so potent that I knew I had to stop her if it was the last thing I did.

**Review, please! It would be much appreciated :)**


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